I can relate to all of it, to everyone!!!!!!

My mom is paranoid schizophrenic and has gone through all the things everyone said.. the extreme crazy religion, the persecution, people poisoning her and her food, spying on her with or without technology, trying to kill her, crazy punishments, having to admit and apologize for things I didn't do and much, much, much worse...
I was also an outcast in school.. too sensitive, too emotional, no self-esteem, never fit in anywhere..
Eventually I got professional help and started my healing process. I am 31 now and I still have a long way to go...

We live in different countries. She came to my wedding 4 years ago and the day after I got married she snapped.. let me just tell you that it was the worst experience of my life, even worse than all the abuse I suffered while growing up. With professional help I also got the strength to tell her she wasn't welcomed in my home if she didn't seek help. She did not seek help yet and I have to accept that she probably never will. In a way I have lost hope for her and it saddens me, at the same time I have to be realistic and by accepting reality I won't be disappointed and I won't get hurt.

After I told her she couldn't stay, she disappeared for months, almost a year!!! She was so sick that she started moving every few months, then she decided to leave the country and has lived in at least 4 or 5 countries. She thinks people are trying to kill her everywhere she goes. She refuses to tell me where she is but at least now calls regularly, I have learned to ignore what she says and be thankful that I know she is OK, although is a daily struggle.

I live in Northern CA and she called me yesterday to tell me she will be arriving in LA on Thursday, that she will stay for 2 weeks, basically hinting if could stay with me. I talked to my husband, brother and sister-in-law and we decided to let her stay 1 week in my house and 1 week in his. I want to believe and hope everything will be OK but I have to be realistic and know that it won't be.
At least I am happy to be able to hug her and tell her I love her in person. I am also scared to death because every time she is with us is mental torture, she can be very hurtful and cruel and it regresses me to a place of anger and insecurity.

I'll hope for the best.. Please pray for me or send me good thoughts or something :-)