I think both situations are very sad. I am glad i found this forum. It seems there is little to almost no help for Adult 'Survivors' of mentally ill parents.

My mother is mentally ill and she has spent her entire life controlling, manipulating, isolating, demanding, and then trying to turn the world on me. She stalked me for over 2 years after I divorced my first husband.
I finally after years of trying to get her to 'love' me, I sought counsel. It was the BEST move I could make. I was carrying so much hurt and pain and I did not know how to deal with her. I had locked up past hurts and memories that began to resurface. I got a backbone and after much prayer and strength from God as well, I mussterred up the courage to tell her to Leave my home and property until she got help. Sadly, she has NOT gotten help.

As far as your mom dying goes. You can NOT go back and undo whatever you have done. You can NOT change the past. If you did what you felt in your heart was the right thing to do, the best thing you can do is to help others who are dealing with parents of mental illness. Don't live in the past and live the rest of your life feeling overwhelmed guilt for what you did or did not do. Take the present as a gift from God and move forward. Remember the good things about your mother and focus on those. know you did all you could do and staying away from your mother may have actually preserved your life.
May God bless you.

I know what you mean, exactly. Everything and all of it. I don't know why, but I missed this post somehow. (I haven't been on this forum that long.) I had two schizophrenic mothers, lol--my actual mother and stepmother. I remember them doing similiar things you're describing....one of them thought food was poisoned, and I had to eat beans every night for dinner for an entire month (I hated beens)---and she destroyed her car, looking for bugs that were from the "mafia listening in on her." Another wouldn't let me even leave the house, except for school...it was truly a mess. She didn't have any signs on her lawn, though, lol. And then, getting paranoid about 'you'...that's a mess, too....thinking you are 'playing games' with them and forcing you to admit things you didn't do....and apologize by extreme meausures, or being 'punished' and that is putting it lightly...it's psychological torment, among other things.

I do understand.

I can relate to all of it, to everyone!!!!!!

My mom is paranoid schizophrenic and has gone through all the things everyone said.. the extreme crazy religion, the persecution, people poisoning her and her food, spying on her with or without technology, trying to kill her, crazy punishments, having to admit and apologize for things I didn't do and much, much, much worse...
I was also an outcast in school.. too sensitive, too emotional, no self-esteem, never fit in anywhere..
Eventually I got professional help and started my healing process. I am 31 now and I still have a long way to go...

We live in different countries. She came to my wedding 4 years ago and the day after I got married she snapped.. let me just tell you that it was the worst experience of my life, even worse than all the abuse I suffered while growing up. With professional help I also got the strength to tell her she wasn't welcomed in my home if she didn't seek help. She did not seek help yet and I have to accept that she probably never will. In a way I have lost hope for her and it saddens me, at the same time I have to be realistic and by accepting reality I won't be disappointed and I won't get hurt.

After I told her she couldn't stay, she disappeared for months, almost a year!!! She was so sick that she started moving every few months, then she decided to leave the country and has lived in at least 4 or 5 countries. She thinks people are trying to kill her everywhere she goes. She refuses to tell me where she is but at least now calls regularly, I have learned to ignore what she says and be thankful that I know she is OK, although is a daily struggle.

I live in Northern CA and she called me yesterday to tell me she will be arriving in LA on Thursday, that she will stay for 2 weeks, basically hinting if could stay with me. I talked to my husband, brother and sister-in-law and we decided to let her stay 1 week in my house and 1 week in his. I want to believe and hope everything will be OK but I have to be realistic and know that it won't be.
At least I am happy to be able to hug her and tell her I love her in person. I am also scared to death because every time she is with us is mental torture, she can be very hurtful and cruel and it regresses me to a place of anger and insecurity.

I'll hope for the best.. Please pray for me or send me good thoughts or something :-)