These are great, Rob. Especially the one about the yellow traffic light. I love this type of humor! :)

Thus encouraged, I offer up some more:

I remember the days when I was young and carefree. They were Wednesdays.

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When I was a kid, I used to play with dirt clods. I wish they still made them.

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Hoses are strange. Sure, they help you get water from one place to another, but they don't have to be so smug.

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I often wonder if the files in the top drawer feel superior to the files in all the other drawers.

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Never stomp on a puddle after it rains, unless you're certain the monsters aren't watching.

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I once walked into a room with a sign that said "Women." They screamed, yelled, threw things at me and told me to get out. I thought that sign could have been more descriptive.

That last one was real cool. I've been trying to think of one, and nothing's come to me so far. I'll get my best one while I'm riding in my car, but I'll forget it before I can write it down.

At least until I decide to try to make more of them....

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I decided to go out one day for a long drive, and was surprised how tired I became. Then I realized I had forgotten my car.

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My uncle used to threaten that he would “unbutton my bellybutton.” If he did so, he said, my head and arms and legs would fall off, and then he would laugh an evil laugh and then reach toward me, making a pinching gesture. So one day I rolled duct tape all over my body as a preventative and went in to finally challenge him. But, he was drunk and had fallen asleep.

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One day, after my mother explained to me how babies came to earth, I gathered my thirty-two brothers and sisters and we went out and killed every stork we could find.

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I found out the hard way that it’s not a good idea to make fun of a man with really large hands.

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I think the surest way to get someone to haunt you would be to tickle them to death.

too funny.