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Blonde Jokes

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.



A young blonde woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself from the Bourne Bridge. She was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the bridge, crying. He took pity on her and said "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship and you can start a new life in Europe ... I'll take good care of you and bring you food everyday".
"How can I repay you for such kindness" she asked. "Just let me make love to you each night..." The blonde agreed.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors, who stowed me away" she explained. "I get food and free passage to Europe and he's screwing me".
"He certainly is", the captain said. "This is the Martha's Vineyard Ferry."



A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her Milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said; "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, 'No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, 'Do you want it pasteurized?'
The blonde said; "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes."



Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?' Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump. 'The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!' Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.' Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the5 PM news and so I knew he would jump. 'The blond replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.' Bob took the money...



A blond city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blond, asks, "Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"
"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently. Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"
The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
(It's nice to see a blond win once in awhile.)

Re: Blonde Jokes

THE VERY FIRST EVER BLOND GUY JOKE...
And well worth the wait!

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blond Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blond opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna, and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
Everyone turned and stared at the blond's wife. The blond's wife said, .....

"Don't look at me. The idiot made his own lunch."