SENIOR HEALTHCARE SOLUTION
So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.
And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.
IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?
FREE SEX
A gas station owner in ARKANSAS, was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up..'
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.
The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.' Bubba replied, 'No it ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week.
THE BLOND & THE COW
A blond city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, “'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?”
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, “This is the one right here.”
The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blond, asks, “Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?”
“That's simple,” she said. “By the nail that's over its stall,” she explains very confidently. Laughing rudely at her, the man says, “And what, pray tell, is the nail for?”
The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, “I guess it's to hang your pants on.”
(It's nice to see a blond win once in a while.)
LITTLE JOHNNY DOES IT AGAIN…..
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating'. The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated'.
The teacher said, 'Well, That was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'.
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Debbie has a sweater with ten buttons, but her **** are so big she can only fasten eight'
The teacher sat down and cried.
THE COWBOY & THE BIKER
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'A couple of minutes ago.'
