Tess, my loyal little companion for almost 14 years, left me on Sunday afternoon. As you know, she had been diagnosed with heart and kidney problems. The vet had told me 2 weeks ago that there was no cure and they couldn't tell how long she would last with the medication they gave her. I could see her going off her normal food and only taking scrambled egg, rice or chicken. On Sunday, she was refusing even this light food. I took her out for a very short walk in the sun and she couldn't even climb up the small steps into the house when we returned. I gave her a drink of water and placed her on the couch, with a pillow for her head. She lay there comfortably and every so often I took over her water bowl and gave her a drink. I knew her time was approaching but she still wasn't in any discomfort and I thought Monday would be the day when I would need to take her to the vet. However, fairly quickly her breathing became laboured and I knew that Monday wouldn't do, as I didn't want her to suffer. SO, I rang the vet and was told to bring her over at 4.30 pm. My daughter, her husband and two of their children came as soon as they heard the news. My oldest son was there too, the youngest one working. The two girls sat on either side of Tess, stroking her and giving her drops of water off the tips of their fingers. She lay there, without pain, but now and again finding it hard to breathe. At 4.15 I wrapped Tess in her blanket and we drove over. On Sunday the practice is closed, but one of the partners was on call that day. I held Tess in my arms while the drug was administered. She had my scent around her and I spoke to her all the time, telling her, as I always did, "Such a good girl". She died in my arms, just going limp as the life went out of her. I held her for a few minutes, stroking her soft fur, and had one last look into her big dark eyes before saying goodbye. It has been hard this past couple of days for Dominic and myself. I have done nothing but cry. However, today I have held up well enough. The house is lonely now and we both miss the little grey bundle sitting waiting at the door when we return from town. We'll get used to it, no doubt, but it's very hard. Anyone who has or ever had an animal will understand. Those who never had can't even begin to think what it's like. I just thought I would get some ease by writing my thoughts so that's what I've done.

Anne,
I send my deepest sympathy to you and Dominic.
Memories will help you but nothing will change your grief.
Ronnie

Ann, My deepest sympathy to you and your husband on the loss of "Tess", you will always have the memories of the years you had him. Mauri

Dear Ann

Thank you for your sad and lovely report about Tess, I am sure we all have tears in our eyes reading it. It is right to grieve, but get out for a good walk tomorrow.

Liz

hello ann it is with heavy heart I read off the passing of your little dog. I know how you feel at the moment as we have lost a number of doggy friends over the years. if comfort can be derived please think of all the love and care you gave tess over her lifetime. I know that your grief is raw at the moment but maybe later you might consider finding another little pet in her memory. anyway our thoughts are with you. Eamonlowercase and Emily.

Hi Ann ,Having experienced what your going through a few times I sincerely regret your loss, the companiship Tess gave over the years will be with you for a long time ,but given time maybe another one will be lucky enough to gain both of your affection ,Kind Regards Ted

Thanks everyone for your sympathy. I appreciate it. The house still feels lonely, even though my oldest son still calls for lunch, and my younger son is here this afternoon. I miss the patter of tiny feet in the hall and the upturned face at my feet when I am cooking, waiting for a piece of sausage or chicken. I must say that the day is much longer. I didn't realise how much time a little dog takes up. We intend to live a little ourselves now as we tied ourselves down while Tess was here. Whether we actually do anything with our free time now is up to us. I have different things in my head - trips to Dublin in the train; tea-dances on some afternoons in the week; walking just for myself, which will be hard. We'll see. One thing we can now do is visit my youngest daughter for Christmas. I am looking forward to seeing her house, which was renovated some time ago and which I have never seen; I always felt guilty that I wouldn't leave Tess to visit her, so now I can. These are the advantages of not being a dog owner any more. Will I get another dog? At present we both say "No", for the reasons I just stated. We would like to have a holiday this year too , somewhere in the sun preferably, which is long overdue for both of us. Never say 'never' though. When we've got over the loss of Tess and had a bit of freedom, who knows?