Our family are not the "touchy/feely" type. I refer, not only to my immediate family, but also my parents, aunts, uncles, etc. In fact, if I remember correctly, hardly anyone hugged or kissed their relatives years ago. There were the odd exceptions but generally speaking, it would have felt embarrassing. I never remember my mother or father kissing any of the family; that's not to say they didn't care, but we would have been shy about this type of demonstrative affection. However, I have noticed over the past while, that people (including myself at times) are inclined to hug friends and neighbours in the street, even if they've seen them an hour before. The other day I was in a shop and the assistant was on the phone to a member of her family. As the conversation came to an end, in addition to the "take care darlin'" and "see you soon, love", the final words were "love you". Does it mean anything at all or is it all just words. We've become "Americanized" and I fear it is just the latter, all gleaned from US soaps, etc. and worth nothing.

Hi Ann,

I have to admit I am a hugger and always have been,it doesn't matter if it's family,friends or neighbours. When I hug you, you know you've been hugged no half measures with me.....that is my personality.

Beano

Ann, Beano

My childhood and growing up was as you describe Ann. How different the children and young ones of today are.

I was joining a bus queue yesterday in Cambridge, and a young man of about 17 and with a school bag of a sort on his back saw another young man and instantly put his hand out and they shook hands. Nice, I thought, and five minutes later he saw another young man and they did the same. Um.

I then joined the queue and stood behind the young man, he turned round, looked at me and I said "Oh, I thought you were going to shake hands with me!"

He smiled and started to take out his hand, stopped, and said "No, I am going to give you a big hug!" And he did, and it made my day.

I am very forward, my English husband is quite reserved, but he has got used to me now and just smiles.

shaking hands is an everyday occurrence here in the Vaterland. In work, every morning everyone shakes hands with everyone. I once read the custom originated from travellers who met when walking towards each other outstretched their hands to show those approaching they were not armed.
donald

Beano, it's great that you are a natural hugger and I assume that your family were not hesitant in showing their affection in this way. I think it's just whatever you are used to. As I say, my family, really affectionate and caring in eveery other way, would have died before offering a kiss to any of us. I think the recipient would have died too, with the shock. I do think that the greeeting with a hug or kiss nowadays without being embarrassed is a great step forward. However, like everything else, on the right occasion. Interesting that Liz ws brought up in the same vein as me, so it wasn't just our family then. Good to know that.

Donald, shaking hands is fine. My family always shook hands with people, whether greeting them in the street, or congratulating them on a special occasion. That was what I was used to - shaking hands. I was referring to the hugging and kissing and "love you" on every opportunity. I don't recall that being a Lisburn tradition.

Donald and Ann



Times (and customs) have changed.



Having reached that unenviable age where I am no longer capable of enjoying the passionate side of a cuddle, I envy those who still do so.



I too grew up in a family that avoided showing affection. I get a small amount of comfort from the fact that, after a very long time, I went back and kissed my dying brother and told him I had always loved him.

Dabbler, the very fact that you were there for your brother told him that you cared very much. Actions speak louder than words. You did the right thing and you will never regret it. Pat and I visited our dying brother in England. In fact, he died on the weekend we were with him and his family. We didn't offer any words of endearment, but he knew from our presence that he was loved. Words mean very little. Actions say it all.

Good morning Ann, and readers.

Your belief that words mean very little surprises me.

If I could share your feeling that being present is enough in itself, I would feel very successful in my life, having spent fifty six years with my chosen partner, and she with me.

Dabbler, when does your wife receive her Lifetime Achievement medal? I think we wives should all get one.

Ann, life's a weary puzzle, past finding out by man. I go my way and draw my pay and do the best I can. Or, as Tommy Lewis once said to my da, 'and fear not any man'. Your man seems to have reached a right old age with his marbles still intact, without the need to search for self enlightenment. But yes, you women deserve recognition for your huge contribution to family fulfillment.

Dabbler Ahhh, The Old Bog Road! What else does it say, apart from I'll take the day and draw my pay, and do the best I can..............

Liz
I like the old soppy songs. Daniel O'Donnell suits me.
How are things where you are?

Dabbler

Dear Old Daniel helped me to paint the walls the other day. Well, I was not exactly happily employed, when I thought playing a CD of his would send me into another world. It worked, I happily sang along and finished the painting with no trouble!

I am happily settled Dabbler, and have got over my desires to be in the homeland more or less. Just to watch the NI news every evening is unsettling. There is almost always, a shooting, malicious damage to someone's property, and the political scene would drive me mad. All very well to go on holiday and love to see again the wonderful scenery and well loved places, but there is a uncomfortable cloud over the old place and I have moved on. It is about time too!

Thanks Liz. That sounds like common sense. I'm in a smashing wee spot here. I'm probably going a bit barmy in my old age, and miss talking -oops! shouldn't have said that. I just like looking back, though I know I probably shouldn't. I still hurt remembering a boy asking me to talk to his ma, as he was sure she would let him come with me to England. I told him I could barely look after myself. About forty years later I learned that he was tortured and murdered during the troubles. I hope you and the pastor continue your happy life for at least the next century.

Liz, I have had my reply spammed twice so I will keep this very short. News picks up on anything that will sensationalize - don't believe it all. Yes, we have a way to go yet but this is home and this is where I hope to lay my head. Every country, including England, has problems. Sorry to hear that you have "moved on", but understandable too.

Dabbler, yes, my man is the steadying influence in my life. He is almost the complete opposite of me. Everything that I am, he is not, and it seems to work. (most of the time). What drives me mad is his slowness in everything he does. My late mother used to comment that while she was very fond of him, Dominic's inability to hurry got on her nerves. He's the same yet and I've had to put up with that for 53 years. That's why I should get a Lifetime Achievement Award.