Did you hear about the two blondes that froze to death in a drive-in movie? They went to see "Closed for the Winter"

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Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that 1 out of every 4 children born in the world was Chinese. *

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A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

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Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hail storm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe.

Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

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A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."


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A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos.

She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps things hot and some things cold."

"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it !" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that,' he asked? "Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

Her boss inquired, What do you have in it?"
The blond replied,,,,,"Two Popsicles, and some coffee."

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST.....
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.

" The boss feeling very sorry for her says, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

"Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying. "What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" he asks.

"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that her mom died too!"