At the World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up:
"At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up:
"After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well."
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Lisburn stood up:
"After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

Too un-PC?

Two Lisburn Clergymen were debating the subject when does life beginn! One argued at the conception, the other at birth. they couldn,t agree. One says " lets settle this, a member of my flock called Ginny 95 years old but she is mentally top fit was employed over 40 years in Lisburn court house as a secretary, she can tell us what the law of the land says!"
They approach Ginny and ask her " Ginny could you please tell us when life beginns?"
Ginny answers " Yes Reverend, when the children are grown up and the husband is dead and buried!"

Donald
My cousin once told me that when he went to call for an Antrim Street mate to go to the Fairy Well with him, the mother said, “He’s not goin’ near the water till he learns to swim.”

My father in law told me when he was a young boy walking up the lagan he asked a barge owner for a ride up to Lisburn, to which the barge owner agreed providing he would work his way.” He made him walk the horse”
Terry

My Grandmother told me once about a " society man" who came around Lockview every Friday night to collect one penny ( old ) for every member of the Watters family, it was a life insurance policy to pay for the burial when the member died. My Granny was shocked when she asked the collector how much would be payed when she died. He answered " Mrs it wouldn,t be enough to carry you to the top of the road!" She immediatly increased her amount to Two pence.
Donald