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he told her it would be best if she would stay with a nearby relative she acted like she didn't hear him and said shes coming to support us shes coming for herself she completely ignored his feelings which is why he never likes seeing her alays has to be guilted into it we made up about the previous incident but I resent the fact that shes invading our house at this time nothing I can do about it though
If you are still there checking for additional responses on this forum, I have this to say. To begin with, I largely agree with the other readers who responded to your post, particularly the words of Ed Netta who stressed the importance of peacefully co-existing (to the best of your ability) at this difficult time for your husband….because, IMO, it is wrong to try to keep a mother away from her son at a time that you must realize is difficult for her as well. After all, you said it yourself. She has lost a daughter to cancer and has another suffering with it; so she must be very distraught.
That being said, the one thing that you can do (after your husband is on the road to recovery and doing as well as can be expected) is to stop being a doormat for your mother-in-law and stick up for yourself. For example, distraught or not, her comment to you that you want your husband's cancer to spread was way out of line and you should let her know that in no uncertain terms. However, it would be best for your husband's sake to either ignore it (for now), or confront her in private and stress to her how her mean-spiritedness is creating that tense atmosphere that you want to avoid for his sake. In that way, you may be able to guilt her into keeping her mouth shut. Later, after your husband is doing okay, IMO, you should absolutely not ignore these uncalled for and mean-spirited remarks. To do so, invites her to continue to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Lastly, you should not worry about losing your husband to your mother. I don't see the hospital visit doing that. As you said, his relationship with her is strained as it is and you have been a solid team for 23 years. Even if they were to become closer as a result, unless he's a mama's boy, he is not going to become closer to his mother than he is to you. The same goes for when you stick up for yourself and he becomes aware of the incident. Any man who loves his wife, and has his priorities in order, is going to choose her first and his mother second when you explain how you were wronged and are looking for his support.
my husband told his sister what was going on my sister spoke to her told her she was doing nothing but hurting her son by going on this way and creating more stress for her son im going to tell her if she wants her son to be closer to her this is not the way to go about it ,my husband does not want to feel torn between me and his mother he does not want to be in the middle I will keep my mouth shut for the few days she is here but once he is better I will tell her how out of line she was I told her the other day already
don't know what I can do shes staying with us till hes home from the hospital he told her it would be easier if she stayed wit nearby relatives and visited him after he was home but no she acted like she didn't hear him and then he handed the phone tome and put it on my lap so had to say okay not that I had a choice any ideas on how the stress level down his surgery is Saturday in the mean time I find myself running around shopping for food for her etc