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I too have suffered from “induced depression”, caused by the anxiety & stress brought on by my poor biopsy results a year ago this month and the Lupron that I have been on for the last seven months.
I have always been a somewhat anxious person and the fact that I have a moderate case of OCD has not helped in that regard. This anxiety became acute after my initial diagnosis, causing a tightness in my chest & other symptoms. However, once I embarked on my AS journey, the anxiety subsided, but the uncertainties that come with an AS decision still left me feeling uneasy over the years. That feeling of uneasiness changed for the worse after my last biopsy. My wife & I had a plan. I was going to stay on AS until further biopsies showed possible progression, then I would have surgery. Well, that didn’t happen for reasons I have talked about in previous posts. I now feel though that the risk I am taking is significant (that I am pushing the envelope you might say) and that feeling has led to it being a very difficult year for me mentally. On top of that, once I took the Lupron, my mental state only got worse.
In my case though I did not feel weak because, until recently, I did not even know what I was experiencing was depression (as odd as that may sound). I discovered that is what it was when I was looking back over Lupron side effects as they related to my CDU/MRI dilemma. I saw depression as one of the possible side effects, looked into it and my experiences fit the classic symptoms. (For example, I have experienced all of the classic symptoms listed in Terry’s “Depression” post except for the fact that I have no concentration problems because my OCD actually helps keep me focused).
You would think that I would know how to recognize the symptoms of depression without having to look them up, but I am by nature an even keel type of personality, not getting too low or too high (expect for when I am truly passionate about something). So, when I experienced a loss of energy & a loss of interest in daily activities, I felt I was being lazy and that led to strong feelings of guilt, which, in turn, contributed to the feelings of agitation & restlessness. As far as increased emotions are concerned, I have always been somewhat emotional, shedding tears over sad movies like “Brian’s Song” and “Marley & Me”, but over the past year I have been tearing up over stories that were not that sad, like old reruns of the original Star Trek TV series for God’s sake. I definitely did not know what to make of that.
However, now I do and that alone helps to some degree, but, most importantly, it also means that after all this time, I have been able to talk to my wife about it and that also has made me feel better. The feeling of being lazy & the guilt that went along with that was something I never discussed with her. I didn’t know what to say because I was embarrassed by it. So, instead it ate me up inside and further fueled my depression, but not anymore.
I know that men aren’t big on sharing their feelings (and I have been guilty of that as well), but I have felt better than I have in months because I have gotten the burdens off my chest and have a loving wife that is helping me through it. Even talking it out on this site helps and so I thank you Terry for bringing up this topic.
In closing, I want to add that I just hope the benefits of knowing what it is and talking about it are not short-lived. I retired after deciding on AS because of the risks involved. My reasoning was that if my decision resulted in a shortened life, I wanted to have had some retirement years to enjoy. In telling his story, Terry talked about how if AS has been a cloud with occasional showers, it is one that has resulted in a rainbow because it has helped him get the most out of life. I need to work on that because, to date, my retirement is not what I wanted it to be.
Alan you are on the right track. So many of these issues fade in the daylight of exposure when we bring them out in the open instead of keeping them locked up. The expression that gay people chose of "coming out of the closet" represents that - and getting your depression out of the closet is so important.
I'm sorry to hear that your retirement has not been all that you hoped and I trust that you will find a way of making it work for you. Of course I have had some bumps along my road and some were very serious. But given the thought that is implanted in all our minds after diagnosis - that we may have a shortened life expectancy - I choose to ignore those dips and bumps and keep my eye on the main point. I am alive still, long after I was told would be the case, and I can still find more to enjoy in life than to be unhapy with. My glass is usually half full - very rarely half empty.
Sorry to hear that your situation is unacceptably distressful. I am not a nutritionist, but I listen to an alternative medicine doctor on the radio and from what he said and from my followup search on Google, it seems it might be a good idea for you to look into a deficiency of magnesium as a source of your problem. You could Google 'magnesium stress'.
Re: The Depression Discussion - My Story ("magnesium stress" reply)
Hi Jack,
Thank you for the different perspective on my anxiety, stress & depression. I googled “magnesium stress” as you suggested and checked out several of the websites. I felt that the information I obtained from those sites was promising.
Next, I looked up the RDA of magnesium for someone my age and found it was 420mg per day. My wife & I then did our best to determine my daily magnesium intake. We were able to do this because I have a regimented diet, and therefore know what I eat every day of the week (for the most part). Still, it was not easy because most nutrition labels do not include information on magnesium, but we were able to find out most of what we needed to know on the internet.
The bottom line is that on two days of the week, I have approximately 111% of the RDA, on three other days, I have 89%, & finally, on the last two days, I have 79%. So, I do not have a notable deficiency. Not enough to take a daily supplement anyway because it would put me over the RDA.
I should note that I did read on one website that, if you were experiencing stress, you should take 1000mg per day since stress robs your body of magnesium. I will have to research that more before deciding whether or not to do that because, as I stated in a recent post, I believe in & follow the principle that more is not necessarily better.
At the very least, I can eat more foods rich in magnesium on the days that my intake is under the RDA, while watching my caloric intake which is currently just right for my weight. Plus, there is the option of having my magnesium level checked in my blood, but I just had blood drawn yesterday after a visit to my GP. So, my timing is a little off. On top of that, I have not discussed my mental state with him because, frankly, he already thinks I am crazy for being on AS.
Thanks for caring. I will let you know what comes of this. Sorry that the response is so long, but I wanted you to know that I took your recommendation seriously and followed up on it.
Re: The Depression Discussion - My Story ("magnesium stress" reply)
Alan,
I'm glad that my post aroused your interest and that you followed up on it. I find it remarkable that you are able to calculate your intake so precisely so as to reflect the RDA. However I have to say, again reminding you that I'm not a nutritionist, that the RDA for magnesium is probably woefully inadequate for one in your situation. I hope you will research it further and let us know what you find. There is a website, prostatecanceradvice.org where there are 3 doctors, one of them Dr. Meyers, who will answer questions. I suggest you click on Dr. Spinosa, who is the Director of the Integrative Urology Center of NYU.
Re: The Depression Discussion - My Story ("magnesium stress" reply)
Thanks Jack, I am going to continue to do research on this topic and will check out the website & doctors you suggested. Yesterday’s post was just to let you know that I appreciated your help and was following up on your advice. When all is said & done, I will let you know what I have decided to do.
As far as being able to calculate my daily magnesium intake is concerned, I have an acute attention to detail which comes from having OCD. (As Monk said in the TV detective series of the same name, it is a blessing & a curse. Thankfully though, my condition is not as bad as Adrian Monk’s).
Re: The Depression Discussion - My Story ("magnesium stress" reply)
Alan,
Judging from how soon you answered my post, you and I both have a 'compulsion' to check out this site daily. Regarding Monk, it looks like you haven't lost your sense of humor. . Staying on the light side, you recall I had heard about using magnesium from the alternative doctor who's on the radio. Well, he was describing a study in which magnesium was used to relieve stress, wait for it, in mice. Go figure. Getting down to business, it seems the site I linked you to with the doctors who answer question seems to be moribund,, although when I posted a question today I got an email stating that in time my question would be answered. Still, the existing questions/answers are very informative.
