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Thank you for reminding me that there are other sides of life I need to experience and to get out of this mind set which does not promote good health. I do think about death as a sweet release from where I am now. I know that this is not healthy and I can not act on these thoughts. Dealing with the medical community has its problems and I just get so frustrated.
Just spent an hour with a good minister (PhD) friend of mine. It took a while to get through to me, but he did have two examples I'd like to pass on. The first is that a person drinks from a cup every morning, what ever. Then that person has a cup up behind glass doors that is associated with a time & place special to that person. One cup has a purpose, the other cup has meaning.
The second example was trying to get more technical, in that scientist have a good theory of how most things work. But that theory just is not complete - logical - provable with out the concept of dark mater. Now you know what dark mater is, well perhaps not. Not ever seen or proven yet. I think that we are getting close to pointing out where unseen mass is located. But for now, dark mater is something that must be taken on faith to make the picture complete. And yes Joe there is a God which if I let it be, just could make my life complete, with meaning. The purpose of my life is just slipping away and I've been trying to hold on to it. I can't. And it is not worth much. What is worth something to me is meaning. Sitting out with Sandy behind the barn, watching the sun set is without purpose, but has much meaning.
Take myself as an example -
I am 80 years old. That's EIGHTY years folks. I am a stage IV Pca patient on hormone therapy.
Purpose? My wife and I have raised 4 great kids plus something over 50 foster kids because we as Christians wanted to not just "Talk the talk" but instead to "Walk the walk".
Meaning? A lot of those foster kids still come back to visit and they all call us "Mom & Dad" We both still go motorcycle riding on a Goldwing Honda and look for wild mushrooms in the forest.
Yes, as "purpose" slowly fades, "meaning" takes on a whole new dimension.
I've learned that it is OK for a grown man to cry for example - For joy as well as bad news. I've learned that hugs are very important. Meaning not only married hugs, but hugging little kids and big kids and adults of both sexes who desperately need a hug.