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Dealing With Mentally Ill Mother after Father's Passing, Need Suppor
I can't explain the, although unfortunate, comfort I have found by reading through posts and realizing I am not alone.
To make a back-story short, I had a "normal" childhood. My Dad was my hero, and mom was most always being an amazing mother, my best friend. Occasionally I would hear my mom's piercing screams from across the house, very rarely showing her true colors... or witness my grandmother's vindictive cruel attempts for self pity directed at my mother (she is either Borderline or Bi Polar, I can't remember)... But especially as an only child, I received an abundant amount of love. In my mid-teens, my mother and father became basically bankrupt after a hurricane destroyed our house and left toxic mold in it's ruins (about a year or two after my father had retired). My father became extremely depressed, relying on the pain medication for his back problems to remedy the hopelessness for life that he felt. His addictions progressed, he refused help and spent everyday in bed.
I'm in my 20's and do not live or rely on my parents, but visiting them became difficult due to my dad's decreasing health from drug abuse and my mothers seeming ignorance to the matter.
My Father passed away from a heart attack on September 3, 2012. The last night I cried.
It's always expected through a traumatic loss to expeirance extreme altering levels of emotion.... but we had my mother on suicide watch from day one. She moved in with me shortly after, and she has become unpredictable. As time passes the severity of her mood swings increase, her verbal abuse will continue for hours, while throwing objects across the room (at me), disowning me, concocting stories to validate her anger that are beyond farfetched, or sobbing explaining to me that she wish she could end her life. A few hours after her episode she will feel guilty and cry and appologize, but I can't help link her behavior to that of my grandmothers. The weight of supporting my mothers emotions has put an heavy burden on me, I've become the parent role versus the child and I haven't had the chance or ability to mourn over my own father's death, or show compassion to her struggle. I've tried talking to her- to which one of episodes stated above occurs.... I'm just out of options. My mom needs help... I've become emotionless to cope with the extreme amount of emotion. What can I do?