So this is my first post and I'm not quite sure what I expect to gain from it...I have a mother with paranoia personality disorder and I have lived with it my whole life. Throughout my childhood she was extremely hurtful, would constantly tell me I was a terrible person and no one would ever love me. She claims she never said such awful things, but she is also incredibly intelligent and frequently behaved this way when we were secluded from others. The fact is, I always knew she loved me and my siblings, and was able to separate her disorder from her as a person, but her denial of the behavior and the Behavior itself is still damaging. One of my siblings has left the family because of this and five years later won't interact with us for fear of being hurt again. I never had relationships with my aunts , uncles, grandparents, because she was intolerable to them. I felt isolated and at the same time dependent on my siblings and father.

We all left home and deal with this our own way. She had been doing better, seeing a therapist, but it comes and goes in waves. I don't know what to do now because I just had a daughter, and her Behavior as begun to spiral. She says things like I am going to be a terrible mother, is hateful to my husband, and manipulative to my father who I've always had a wonderful relationship with. I don't want to keep my baby from my mother but I feel so scared at the possibility of her having the same feelings I do, and same anxiety issues I do. When I talked to my father about it, my mom heard us talking low, not the content, and then convinced my father that all of his children hate him and that he was better off dead. Then the two of them talked about their plans for suicide. I know it sounds weird, but I know they love us, and I love them. I'm afraid to lose them, but I have to protect my daughter. I just don't know what to do.

I feel really guilt stricken. My mother suffers from depression as well, and cutting her off from my baby could actually send her so low that she might commit suicide. But I hurt so badly, I can't let it happen again. I just don't know what to do.