Thanks for the opportunity to share a moment. I'm at a cross road, petrified to move forward. I'm the only son of an only son who in turn was also an only son. There is a deep vein of extreme mental illness (manic depression)in my family line and I seem to carry the torch for my immediate family. My sisters managed to elude the more debilitating aspects of our upbringing they married and have good husbands and healthy smart children . My story has not been so healthy or happy the best way to describe my life thus far is to say that i have lived with my faced pressed to the glass looking at life trying to find some connection but i never do. I've been living alone for so long I fear that this is my curse! I'm angry and resentful of people who have successful happy lives I feel I've been cheated and get a kick out disrupting their happy routines, I have managed to stay employed and out of jail and I have been at times satisfied but it doesn't last. I want to find something meaningful and healthy going forward but I usually just shuffle back to my cave to lick my wounds and mutter to myself sometimes I'm truly retched.