Welcome to Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents Discussion Forum!!! Dedicated to the validatation and encouragement towards one another in tranquil and perilous times a mist the obscure insanity of a loved one.
I've posted once before, things have calmed down since then, but have now blown up into something huge. The reason I'm posting is because I really just need to talk. I feel like I am at my wits end and am alone. I do have a therapist and she has been helping me out, but it's still hard.
My mother has a severe personality disorder, which means everything I do is wrong when she is in a fit. There are very short lived intervals of time when she sees me on some sort of pedestal, which then inspires her to become completely codependent on me, jealous, and eventually blows up and tells me that I've been a disappointment since the day I was born. I could go on and on about her up and down moods and views on me, although they are mostly down. I am unable to talk with her because anytime something comes up, she immediately interrupts with screaming and aggressive behavior.
Because of the way she's treated me, I've grown up with Severe Anxiety and self-esteem problems. I have been taking care of my own mental health for the past 6 years and feel pretty good about what I've accomplished.
The problem I face is that I've recently had to move back in with my family for financial reasons. This is very temporary. Unfortunately, it has once again come to a head where I am the bad guy who is crazy, she has done nothing wrong, and currently spends her time and energy finding ways to exclude me from the home life here. She is also extremely jealous that I have a loving boyfriend who also has a family that accepts me as their own family. I try to hide the fact that there are other people in this world who care for me and are allowed to, but she always weasels her way in to make assumptions and continue with the mistreatment.
I am trying to spend as much time away as possible, but it is so hard having to accept that there is no solution to her madness. There's no way to get around it, counseling with her would only fuel the fire.
It is such a disappointment and sad moment for me knowing that the person who was supposed to raise me to show me what the world is like, how to be beautiful and how to love people only had me for selfish reasons, discarding me when I wasn't needed.