Welcome to Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents Discussion Forum!!! Dedicated to the validatation and encouragement towards one another in tranquil and perilous times a mist the obscure insanity of a loved one.
First of all, you are not alone! Second, something I've had to learn to do (and am STILL battling it!) Is learning how to be brave. I also have problems with my mother and I find that it is really difficult to let a family member go, but in your case, if alcohol and children are involved, that gives you every excuse to make changes. One thing is STRONGLY recommend is to find an Alanon meeting near you. They recommend trying out a few different types of meetings and attend where you feel comfortable.
I actually started going because my long-term boyfriend has issues with alcohol and wanted to learn how I can support him. While attending, I realized there was a WHOLE lot more there for me that helped me to understand and cope with my mother who has a severe personality disorder. I think there, you will find the strength, support, and energy to make the right choices. Usually the thing they say to do is to cut off the person as the ultimatum.
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. A few years ago, I cut off my relationship with my mother because of her behavior. She eventually began treating me better. I suppose she realized I wouldn't be in her life if she didn't change. This doesn't always happen, though.
Yes, I felt terrible, and people are incredibly judgmental if they don't know the story other than you don't see your mom. However, it was a fantastic decision for me. I can't say what you should do, but if you have children to protect, do what you must to take care of them.