Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents

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Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents
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Re: How to best deal with it?

Hi, I don't really have any helpful advice, but I thought it might help to hear there are others struggling with this, too. I'm 40, an only child, and I've been caring for my mother since I was little. Everything you said about your mother goes for my mother as well, except that I didn't have the caring grandparents you seem to have.

This week is it for me. After decades of caring for her, I can't, I won't do it anymore. Last week, I dealt with the police, the paramedics, the fire department, because she thinks its ok to dial 911 if she's irritable or headachey. She ordered me down to her place to wash her dishes and buy her booze- never mind that I have kids to care for. I told her no. She disowned me. She called me back to tell me if I didn't go she'd kill herself. I told her I wouldn't be blackmailed, and I wasn't going. So she called the police again to tell them I was emotionally abusing her. *I* am emotionally abusing *her*.

And I'm done. Forty freaking years, and I'm done. I've been checking out NAMI's "A Guilt Free “Bill of Rights” for Parents." I'm my mother's parent, and I think I have these rights. One of them is a right to respite. I deserve a respite, and I'm going to tell my mother so. I'm taking a year. I'll re-evaluate after that. In the meantime, I'll probably have to have my phone number changed, and not answer the door if she comes over. I can live with that. I have a right to respite.

Good luck with your mom, whatever you decide. You have a right to have a life, too.

Re: How to best deal with it?

Thanks Anotherjen. Your story does sound very familiar. We've had to call the cops ourselves several times. Thanks for being able to identify. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who is burdened with this struggle.

I too have stopped all contact with my mom and am deeply considering a number change. I've decided to not allow her to ruin my life any longer. She is the one who will be loosing out and I can only gain from such a decision.

I wish you all the best. You have yourself and your children to think about. It's never too late to take back your life.