My mom has a plethora of mental disorders and her illness is considered moderate. She uses her disorder as a scapegoat for the relentless grieving she subjects our family to.

I wasn't raised by mother but instead by my maternal grandparents. After 31 years of feeling like I have to just take the way she treats me, I've decided to let her know she can't treat me this way any longer. She's ran everyone off who has tried to help her and I'm the only one who attempts to "help". I use quotation marks because I know there is no helping her. She doesn't want to try and improve her quality of life and instead feels like everyone owes her something and hasn't done enough for her.

I've put myself through college and am struggling between making ends meet (providing completely for myself) and paying off my student debt in the state of our current economy. Yet all she can do is call me whenever she needs something and get extremely upset when I can not cater to her demands. Then she will persistently call me just to cuss me out and tell me how much of a failure I am to her.

I don't feel any obligation to care for her as I was raised by my grandparents. Already I'm sickened by the way she treats them and they have ultimately let her control their lives with her behavior. They've gotten too old to care for themselves and have become of no use to my mother. Now She has transferred the way she's treated them to how she treats me.

I feel I must stand up to her and let her know this is no way be. How can I best say those words to her while still being sensitive to her condition? Any suggestions from anyone who can relate is very much appreciated.

Hi, I don't really have any helpful advice, but I thought it might help to hear there are others struggling with this, too. I'm 40, an only child, and I've been caring for my mother since I was little. Everything you said about your mother goes for my mother as well, except that I didn't have the caring grandparents you seem to have.

This week is it for me. After decades of caring for her, I can't, I won't do it anymore. Last week, I dealt with the police, the paramedics, the fire department, because she thinks its ok to dial 911 if she's irritable or headachey. She ordered me down to her place to wash her dishes and buy her booze- never mind that I have kids to care for. I told her no. She disowned me. She called me back to tell me if I didn't go she'd kill herself. I told her I wouldn't be blackmailed, and I wasn't going. So she called the police again to tell them I was emotionally abusing her. *I* am emotionally abusing *her*.

And I'm done. Forty freaking years, and I'm done. I've been checking out NAMI's "A Guilt Free “Bill of Rights” for Parents." I'm my mother's parent, and I think I have these rights. One of them is a right to respite. I deserve a respite, and I'm going to tell my mother so. I'm taking a year. I'll re-evaluate after that. In the meantime, I'll probably have to have my phone number changed, and not answer the door if she comes over. I can live with that. I have a right to respite.

Good luck with your mom, whatever you decide. You have a right to have a life, too.

Thanks Anotherjen. Your story does sound very familiar. We've had to call the cops ourselves several times. Thanks for being able to identify. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who is burdened with this struggle.

I too have stopped all contact with my mom and am deeply considering a number change. I've decided to not allow her to ruin my life any longer. She is the one who will be loosing out and I can only gain from such a decision.

I wish you all the best. You have yourself and your children to think about. It's never too late to take back your life.