Once when I was about 4 or 5 years old I begged my grandmother to let me live with her and I spilled my guts about everything my mom was doing to me. But, nothing ever happened and I was terrified that my mother would find out about it. So after that, I never told my dad, other family, or friends that she was not a good mother. In 1989 she had her first "breakdown" and was diagnosed with multiple personalities, manic depression, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder. I was 8 years old. She was in and out of mental institutions for weeks at a time for years after that. What I am having trouble coming to terms with is why my family left me and my brother alone with her?? Especially after she was diagnosed?!

Both of my mother's parents were schizophrenic and she was sexually abused by a step-father growing up. So, she knows what it's like to be abused right? Then, why did she not ever ask someone to take my brother and I from her for our sake? In fact, it was quite the contrary, she was constantly asking my brother and I to lie for her. And I did it. For years, I played this cover-up game where we all pretend that everyone is fine and happy. In fact, we are still playing that game today! The deal breaker is that I have a son now. He's 10 months old. And my mother wants to come visit once a week! She is constantly calling and I feel like she is obsessing over him. The only reason I see her is to be nice. I have always felt sorry for her. But, I will never leave my son alone with her not for a second. I have had to tell her recently that I do not want her to baby sit and that I do not want to see her but once a month (so I can keep my sanity). This news really crushed her. She acts like she doesn't understand why. In fact, no one in my family understands why. Should I blame them? I never complained growing up...but then I was just a child. Or are they all in denial that my mom is sick and should not be around children?

Quick question: Do you have a husband right now? If so, is he supportive of your protection strategy?

I, too, am the child of a mentally ill adult, my mother, with some of the same diagnoses minus the multiple personalities. I am fortunate that she lives in another state, a good 12 hours drive, or I guarantee she'd be bugging me the same way. There's no way I would let her be around my kids unsupervised, and I am in complete agreement with your feelings in that regard.

My mother is wealthy, so she's "eccentric." If she was poor, she'd be just plain crazy [so to speak]. She can function for limited periods in normal society, but then she has episodes. As a result, she stays away from people most of the time -- a good plan, and I am surprised she has that much presence of mind.

But let her watch my kids for us? No way. Also, DON'T expect anyone else to understand. They don't have to, and you will only sound unbalanced yourself if you try to explain. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt AND the mug. Just do as you see right and stop being concerned with what anyone else thinks about it.

It took me more than 50 years to realize I needed some professional counseling about my feelings. I avoided it because of the stigma associated in my mind with counseling -- Mom did that stuff, so I won't (etc.). Just because you seek help for yourself does not mean you have the same conditions or ever will. It means you are being pro-active to take back your life.

Hi!
Unfortunately your story is alot like mine!!!!!!!!
I have NO CLUE what's up with the "family" it happened to me too!!!!!!!! It's like her illness is this dark secret that they don't talk about. Sure was sad, as I sure would have appeciated, even a doctor to tell me what symptoms to look for before she becomes a danger to herself or others or to ME!

I think some families are Co-dependant or scard of the truth, or ignorant, or vain afraid someone else might find out the secret!

Now that aside, I wouldn't leave my mom with a cat!!!!!!!!!! Much less a child of any age!!!!!!!!!! I have learned through counseling this word called "Boundaries" and you know what, it has helped me alot!!!!!!!!! Im the one in charge, Im her mother, Ive reversed the cycle to a degree. It's still fustraiting as I tend to sometimes drift back into my child thinking of wanting a mom, but then after being verbally abused again (like that is anything new) I have to put on my courage to create and sytand by my boudaries.

I hope you are doing okay, and that you too can keep your mom on your terms, not hers. As far as the rest of the family if they want to live in denial let them, it's especially common in dysfunctional families! But what is important is for you to have support! I hope you have friends that understand or an understanding couselor!