Thanks for your reply....I think "normal" can be elusive--although I think those of us with mentally ill parents are definitely on the far side of normalcy.

Hi everyone,

Not sure if anyone is still following this conversation, but I just happened upon it and wanted to offer my solidarity, and my story. My mom's been mentally ill since I was about six -- "bipolar with psychotic features" is her main diagnosis. Essentially, when unmedicated she cycles through mania and then becomes paranoid and delusional, totally out of control and extremely verbally abusive, until she's involuntarily hospitalized. I've been her ally and caretaker since I was little, which of course has had many repercussions for my own mental health and my life. I've always felt responsible for her well-being, even though logically, I know I'm not.

My brother cut ties with her eight years ago, and has not spoken to her since; that has been very painful. As kids, we reacted in equal and opposite ways to our mom's illness. He got really hostile and angry; I tried to save her and became a caretaker. Both patterns have their repercussions.

After seven bad years, (which included multiple hospitalizations, homelessness, and a fire) she's now been stable for about year. It's nice while it lasts, but I've become reattached emotionally, which means the next time she gets sick will be that much more painful. What I'm currently dealing with is enormous guilt about the fact that my girlfriend and I are moving in a few months, out of state. I haven't told my mom yet. I am excited about the move, but a voice in my head says, "How can you leave? You're all she has"...

Sincerely,
Natasha