I can really relate to your post--just checked out this forum today. Joining Facebook has made me realize how out of the "norm" I am....having grown up with two mentally ill parents, emotional survival was often my primary concern. I took forever to choose a career--married late and have never had children. My sister never married either. Seeing posts from old high school and college friends/acquaintances who live the "average" American life has made me feel down lately.

Lori,
I deal with the exact same thing. My mother was mentally ill, and it severely effected my sister and I and our concept of being female. Neither of us are married or have children, and I find emotionally intimacy terrifying given what I went though growing up and my mother's multiple personalities. Every day I wonder if I did something wrong and will live the rest of my life alone. In my opinion though, the "average" person is just as screwed up and unhappy. You're not alone here.

Thanks for your reply....I think "normal" can be elusive--although I think those of us with mentally ill parents are definitely on the far side of normalcy.

Hi everyone,

Not sure if anyone is still following this conversation, but I just happened upon it and wanted to offer my solidarity, and my story. My mom's been mentally ill since I was about six -- "bipolar with psychotic features" is her main diagnosis. Essentially, when unmedicated she cycles through mania and then becomes paranoid and delusional, totally out of control and extremely verbally abusive, until she's involuntarily hospitalized. I've been her ally and caretaker since I was little, which of course has had many repercussions for my own mental health and my life. I've always felt responsible for her well-being, even though logically, I know I'm not.

My brother cut ties with her eight years ago, and has not spoken to her since; that has been very painful. As kids, we reacted in equal and opposite ways to our mom's illness. He got really hostile and angry; I tried to save her and became a caretaker. Both patterns have their repercussions.

After seven bad years, (which included multiple hospitalizations, homelessness, and a fire) she's now been stable for about year. It's nice while it lasts, but I've become reattached emotionally, which means the next time she gets sick will be that much more painful. What I'm currently dealing with is enormous guilt about the fact that my girlfriend and I are moving in a few months, out of state. I haven't told my mom yet. I am excited about the move, but a voice in my head says, "How can you leave? You're all she has"...

Sincerely,
Natasha