Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents

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Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents
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Re: Is anyone still using this site? I need some support

You are not alone. Im 37 and my mother sounds a lot like yours. Not sure what is really wrong with her after all these year either. I do know that she is actually getting worse after all of her professional help. No one knows what to do for her. Im worn out and emotionally cant take it anymore. I told her that I felt like I was having a mental breakdown from her and she actually started to mock me. I thought about getting professional help. Do you find it beneficial? Im tired of feeling guilt, sadness, hurt, and anger over her.

Re: Is anyone still using this site? I need some support

Same here!! I just want permission to walk away and actually start living a life, but am overwhelmed with guilt. I'm not a selfish person, but I can not deal with it anymore. I'm a 40 year old woman who has cared for my mother since the age of 5. I have watched episode after episode, helped her financially, coordinated care, repeated hospitalization intakes/screenings, countless visits to psychiatric tx. facilities, secured housing for her, etc. etc. I am really looking forward to hearing from anyone with similar experiences because no one else would ever be capable of truly understanding what it is like!!!!!!!!!

Re: Is anyone still using this site? I need some support

I know what you mean My birth mother is narsistic and borderline. I chose to call it birth mother because "mom" just doesn't fit that thing. All I can say is what a nightmare,I've tried to get professional help and all I can say to that one is good luck. Hope you fair better than I did.

Re: Is anyone still using this site? I need some support

I found my psychologist extremely helpful. But this is the 4th therapist I've spoken to throughout my life so not everyone is in tune to these issues. I came to her about my boyfriend and immediately she said my problems have nothing to do with my boyfriend--it's all from my childhood. She recommended I read the book Changing Course by Claudia Black. It's actually meant for children of alocholics but I was able to apply almost everything to my experiences too. I'm doing alot of research online too. I'm reading everything I can about mental illness which is opening my eyes to my mother's condition. Basically, she is not going to get any better. The therapist helps me deal with my feelings of guilt for not being able to help her. I hope this helps you but feel free to keep in touch!

Re: Is anyone still using this site? I need some support

Sounds like we are experiencing the exact same thing. They first diagnosed my mother with post partum depression. Next diagnosis was bipolar and then schiz, but I to believe she is borderline personality. My father claims she has had over a 100 ECT treatments which I have never heard of. Over her lifetime she has attempted suicide at least a half a dozen times. She and my father divorced when I was 12. I have 2 siblings and she has worn all of us out. We all have so much guilt, including my father, but I feel like I can not take another day on her roller coaster.

Re: Is anyone still using this site? I need some support

Hi Jill, and everyone,
I am so glad I found this site. I was wondering if any of you have in-person support groups? I live in New York City.

My mother has persecutory delusions, and delusions of reference. Basically she thinks our community is out to get her, based upon code words and "buzz words" that are being mentioned on tv, the radio, etc. She thinks people pick the 'buzz words' from TV and then use them around her to let her know that she is "out there." She thinks she is being mistreated and punished for being famous, and that other people somehow become negatively associated to her, because they make speak to her. It doesn't make sense, and I don't know how to go about getting her help.

Jill, I understand your pain. There is nothing worse than the feeling that your parent is sick, and you don't know how to help them. Not to mention that with mental illness, people think it is like a dirty secret that must have rubbed off on you too. No matter how much people think this country has progressed, and how people now understand that mental illness is a brain disorder, I am still angry when I see how people marginalize and dismiss the mentally ill.

Re: Is anyone still using this site? I need some support

I can really relate to your post--just checked out this forum today. Joining Facebook has made me realize how out of the "norm" I am....having grown up with two mentally ill parents, emotional survival was often my primary concern. I took forever to choose a career--married late and have never had children. My sister never married either. Seeing posts from old high school and college friends/acquaintances who live the "average" American life has made me feel down lately.

Re: Is anyone still using this site? I need some support

Lori,
I deal with the exact same thing. My mother was mentally ill, and it severely effected my sister and I and our concept of being female. Neither of us are married or have children, and I find emotionally intimacy terrifying given what I went though growing up and my mother's multiple personalities. Every day I wonder if I did something wrong and will live the rest of my life alone. In my opinion though, the "average" person is just as screwed up and unhappy. You're not alone here.

Re: Is anyone still using this site? I need some support

Thanks for your reply....I think "normal" can be elusive--although I think those of us with mentally ill parents are definitely on the far side of normalcy.

Re: Is anyone still using this site? I need some support

Hi everyone,

Not sure if anyone is still following this conversation, but I just happened upon it and wanted to offer my solidarity, and my story. My mom's been mentally ill since I was about six -- "bipolar with psychotic features" is her main diagnosis. Essentially, when unmedicated she cycles through mania and then becomes paranoid and delusional, totally out of control and extremely verbally abusive, until she's involuntarily hospitalized. I've been her ally and caretaker since I was little, which of course has had many repercussions for my own mental health and my life. I've always felt responsible for her well-being, even though logically, I know I'm not.

My brother cut ties with her eight years ago, and has not spoken to her since; that has been very painful. As kids, we reacted in equal and opposite ways to our mom's illness. He got really hostile and angry; I tried to save her and became a caretaker. Both patterns have their repercussions.

After seven bad years, (which included multiple hospitalizations, homelessness, and a fire) she's now been stable for about year. It's nice while it lasts, but I've become reattached emotionally, which means the next time she gets sick will be that much more painful. What I'm currently dealing with is enormous guilt about the fact that my girlfriend and I are moving in a few months, out of state. I haven't told my mom yet. I am excited about the move, but a voice in my head says, "How can you leave? You're all she has"...

Sincerely,
Natasha