Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents

Welcome to Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents Discussion Forum!!! Dedicated to the validatation and encouragement towards one another in tranquil and perilous times a mist the obscure insanity of a loved one.

Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents
Start a New Topic 
Author
Comment
Help with my father.....

I am a first time poster, and am wondering what to do about my father. he has a history of drug, and alcohol abuse. he recently had heart surgery for a blood infection, with many complications regarding his history.. he is only 50 years old Anyway he is very depressed, and being very irrational which isnt a new thing , this is all I have ever known of him. He is so up and so down from day today. Just few hours ago we got into an argument about him cleaning up around my house after he trashed it with no respect for my property. He said that the way I treat him is driving him to all the suicidal thoughts and depressed thoughts. I do resent him for somethings that he did when I was 20 {29 years old now}I dont understand because he was in jail and I thought that he would have had some sort of evaluation while in there.. Any helped would be greatly appreciated..

Re: Help with my father.....

Hi Jim,

I can't offer help in terms of advice and I'm new here but I figured I'd try my hand at offering to relate a bit. I'm 23 and graduated from college last year, but during my third year of college, my dad (also an excessive user of alcohol and possibly drugs) became very ill and was dying in the ICU of the local hospital. I traveled home and failed two classes to nurse him back to health, because no one else in his life would (he alienates most of his friends and relatives). After I went back to school, he required me to talk to him every day - sometimes calling me twice or three times in a day because he was so depressed and family members "should" be responsible for taking care of fixing each other's depression was his justification for requiring that we talk so frequently. At the same time, my brother refused to talk to him - he had a medical doctor write a note saying that my brother was at fault for my dad's health issues and that if my dad died, it was my brother's fault. Then, every night before we got off the phone, he would tell me how badly he wanted to die because I wasn't enough and he needed my brother and I better call him tomorrow to make sure he's still alive. Of course, I was entirely disturbed, and being hundreds of miles away from him back in my college town, I called an agency local to the town where he was living in hopes that they would offer some assistance, but they were utterly helpless to me. In the end, I decided that it was best for us not to be in touch for a while. What I learned is that my dad isn't actually suicidal - this is a means of controlling my brother and I. My therapist is convinced that he has narcissistic personality disorder, but of course she recognizes that she can't actually diagnose him. Anyway - even if he were suicidal, and even if he does kill himself, I remind myself every day that this would not be my choice, nor would it be my responsibility. That, just in the same way that I make choices every day, my father is responsible for his own well-being, and I'm not. That may or may not feel easy to relate to, but I hope it does something for you! These realizations often seem very simple and small, but they make a huge difference once I actually strive to internalize them.

Hope that helps! Will be thinking kind thoughts for you :)