How great to find this forum! There don't seem to be many, and it can be so isolating dealing with our parents alone with no-one that understands. Finally, I see people do understand!
My mum has, thankfully, not done any of the extreme things I've read about on this site and can appear fairly normal to outsiders, but her behaviour ruined the relationship with me, and with my dad, and it has definitely shaped who I am (for the worse). She constantly gets angry and aggressive, cannot respond calmly to anything mildy resembling criticism, and often reacts manipulatively. She blamed me and my dad for making her tired and triggering her fits of rage and for years I accepted this: only recently did I realise that she cannot shift all of the responsibility for her damaging rages like this.

Has anyone else experienced a more subtly damaging relationship like this? She can be really nice at times and she claims she tries her best for me... it's so confusing....

Hi H,

I'm also new here. I was so surprised to actually find a site like this! Anyway, my mom has bipolar disorder, and like yours, hasn't done some of the extreme things I've read about. She can be subtly damaging though. She has bouts of extreme depression when she sometimes turn to pills and stays loopy all the time. Its not extreme, most people wouldn't notice. But I do. I know its her illness but its so hard to take care of her all the time. I know my dad and brother feel the same way. Its like always walking on eggshells. I can't remember the last time I wasn't worried that I'd get a call saying she killed herself. But no one else can really tell. If you met her you'd think she was totally ok and happy. It almost makes it harder that way, don't you think?

I am new here. I found it by web search after when I had discovered this group in Facebook.
My dad had diagnosed schizoperhenia when he was 18 years old.
And basicially I had thought that attending in this kind of support might be helpful.

Hi-I am grateful for such forums as well! My mom has bipolar and dad had serious alcoholism and depression before he died of suicide when I was in high school. Mom's bipolar is such that she can present as pretty "normal" and it has taken me a good many years to sort out what I think about it all. I've been blogging for several months now at acmi-spelunker@blogspot.com I find that writing about my experience, and having a good counselor, is a wonderful release. Regards, Ben

The thing that is so crazy-making about having a crazy parent is exactly that they are often capable of seeming sane and actually acting in very valiant ways. My mom's relentless work and intense will power pulled my family out of poverty. Her irrational anger, hateful criticism and violence made me want to die. Now she's a little old lady, often just as angry and vitriolic as ever... but in need of protection. It's exactly the inconsistency that makes her so painful to deal with.