Hi,

Thanks for reading. I hope you can offer some insight. This has become so convoluted that I don't know where to sart.

I recently learned that my mother-in-law(MIL) has decided that her husband of almost 35 years is having an affair. A rather impossible affair. Both in their 70s, retired, but he had to go back to work. He had a job at a hardware store to help make ends meet. MIL is convinced that this is where he met other woman(OW). That was two years ago. He left the stores for a job using skills he had in his career. He was driving parts back and forth EVERYDAY between sites over 150 miles apart. He'd leave early and returned late exhausted. A minor stroke one morning before he got in the car ended that job.
MIL is convinced that he helped OW find and move into a house a few doors down from them. They have their meetings at night while she is asleep. OW either sneaks into their house or he out to OWs. MIL thinks he is paying OW's rent. There isn't enough money in their system to support this. MIL claims he gets text messages on his phone from OW. His phone isn't set up for texting. MIL claims that when they are on their land phone with anyone, he can manipulate the phone and OW listens in. There's more but this gives the idea. It just gets more and more bizaar.
MIL is becoming increasing obsessed, even sharing details of their sex life with my wife. MIL told him recently to "Get the f*** out of the house". He didn't. MIL is becoming increasingly hostile, mean and explosive. The rest of us are quite concerned and feeling rather helpless now.

We need to do something to help them. This will surely destroy the family. any insights would be greatly appreacited.

Thanks,

Tom G

Does MIL have a history of Mental illness? Or could this possibly be dementia related paranoia/delusion/psychosis?

You should consult a psychiatrist, he/she will be able to point you towards the right steps to take.

My mother is 50 and has had paranoia schizophrenia for many years now. We haven't been able to get help for her because she is in extreme denial, smart and has managed to function in society. We have tried almost everything...

You need to make sure you take care of yourself and your wife first. I have gone through hell and back but was very lucky to have my husband stand by me. At times he was the only person who kept me going and kept me sane.

You also need to know that this kind of disease progresses and your MIL's paranoia may progress towards the rest of the family.
Also in my experience the more I try to reason with my mother the worst it is. They don't think like normal people and no matter how you try to explain it to her, her delusions are real to her, no matter what you say so it's better to avoid confrontation.

Please seek professional help and come up with a strategy that the whole family will follow.

Best of luck and God bless,

Denisse

How would you get help for someone with delusions if they don't think they have them? My mother has delusions of reference, and paranoid delusions. I have been trying to get her to tell her primary care doctor, or a psychiatrist, for years. She says that only certain people in the community know that she is "out there" and that if she told someone who didn't know her, they would think she is crazy. So she realizes that it "sounds crazy" to think that everyone is out to get her, and yet she is convinced there is a conspiracy against her.

I called her doctor, and they said that they will 'take a note' about my suspicions, but unless she brings it up, there's nothing they can do. And she will NEVER bring it up. I've thought about having her taken by force to a psychiatric hospital, but she will never forgive me for that, especially since she is already very concerned about the idea that people think she is crazy.