When my mother came back from her psychotic break in which she terrorized her family and friends, she was very remorseful. It was such a frightening experience, and while she was gone we were all left trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. She had mentioned to me occasionally her fear that she would be put in a mental institution, and that she would never let that happen. Now that we think about it, this wasn't her first episode, and we think she was masking her illness with drugs and alcohol when I was young.

It appears that my mom is bipolar, and perhaps a bit narcissistic, but refuses to get help. When she came back she promised me she would get a referral from her doctor for a mental health eval, and then we got over a foot of snow and she couldn't go anywhere. Her madness got worse. It got to the point where she was barricading herself in the condo, and when she did go out she left me horrible letters saying I was not her kid, and that she was gone forever.

I had my aunt come up, and we went out with the mobile mental health team to do an intervention. I thought I could convince her to get help but she just won't do it.

Now she has said that she hates me and never wants to see me again. A week ago she left me another voice mail saying that she is gone, and that she went to another state. But when I go to the condo she is still there.

Last week I put a 10-day Notice to Pay or Vacate on the door, along with a 4-page letter. I feel so horrible, but at the same time I have so much anger towards her for not taking care of her illness. Looking back, she's known that something has been terribly wrong but her ego will not allow her to get help or go on welfare to get income for that matter. She is penniless and she will have nowhere to go, but I cannot allow my family to go down in flames because of her unwillingness to meet me halfway.

I feel like as an only child all I have ever wanted was for her to be happy, and yet I have failed spectacularly. I have only enabled her, and now she is taking advantage. This whole thing has me sick to the point where I have panic attacks and anxiety, and everyone in my family is constantly looking out the window and checking the locks. It's a horrible thing to say but I just want her to leave.

Replies:

You're situation seems pretty sticky. I don't blame you for evicting her. She needs to take responsibility for her own actions. I'm just sorry you're having to make that decision, and for what you've been through.

I had two mothers like that. I remember being only twelve years old and being called a ***** even though I had never slept around. I remember waking in the middle of the night, to eyes, staring and watching, that insane voice threatening to kill me for things I had not done. I was deathly afraid of both of them, and to me, until I reached maturity, I thought that this was how everyone lived and never attributed their mental illness to anything. I thought I was somehow obligated to them.

But we're not responsible. If they choose to mess up their life, it's only because of that---they chose. Personally, I isolate myself as much as I can, because their madness turns me into this dark person...and it's twisted me and warped me over...it's kept me from intimacy, from living a normal life, I even worry about having children later on in the future, because I am afraid they'll be schizophrenic. I don't know what to do---I have no one to get me out of this....I'm really lost. But I know now, I am not responsible. But I am responsible for me, how I turn out, and for me, I cannot stay around cruel, manipulative people who will darken my heart. I don't think I am the bad child anymore, I just cannot mentally handle it.

I hope somehow you will patch things with your mother, that she will change. Take good care of yourself.

I don't know why the mad face is there, lol--on my previous reply. An accident....

Anyway, it's good for you and me and the rest of us to vent, huh? A nice haven for the social-rejects without normalcy in their lives. (Kidding)

Hang in there.