Hi Tanya,

I'm sorry to hear that you too are dealing with the repercussions of your parent's mental illness.

I'm certainly not a trained professional, but perhaps this part of the definition of codependency fits what your doctor is talking about: (from Wikipedia)

"Codependency is loss of self for the codependent.

The concept can also be understood as a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress caused, for example, by a family member's alcoholism or other addiction, sexual or other abuse within the family, a family member's chronic illness, or forces external to the family, such as poverty."

In other words, even if your mother was not alive any more, what happened when you were a child is still affecting you. What coping skills and behaviors that we had to learn in order to survive our childhoods shapes how we interact with the world, not just our family. Maybe that's what your doctor is commenting on? You should ask him/her for clarification. Hope this helps!

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Replying to:

My mother is bi-polar and I had a very traumatic childhood as a result. I now suffer from depression and my doctor says I am codependant. I don't feel responsible for my mother anymore - she's a grown woman and I live quite from her and really don't try and control her behavior. How is this possible that I am codependant. I am really struggling with this.