Hi, I am 32 years old, due to a nasty divorce from a man with Asperger's syndrome my three children and I live with my parents. My mother is bipolar. She is very controlling and manipulative. She has made every decision for me my entire life, the few I have made on my own she has poisoned so that they fail.

I am supposed to be moving away to be with my fiancee in about 6 months. My mom is not taking to this well. It means she will lose her control of me. She has treated me like dirt for the past couple of weeks. She has even gone so far as to monitor my phone and computer useage although I am an adult and I pay the bills for these services.

Everyday I get up in the morning and go to my job as a maid for a cleaning service. I hate this job and the pay is lousy but the schedule is decent and it allows me to come home and be with my children earlier than an office job. My mother watches my children while I work because the cost of daycare is more than I make. I work this horrible job for my children. I come home and I take care of them, there is NOTHING that I do for myself, sometimes I don't even get to eat a meal.

My mother got angry at me tonight because I told her I did not feel well and did not want to go to our community recreation committee meeting. She then started raging at me and telling me that all I ever think about is myself and that I am making many many mistakes. Funny thing is I have not changed a thing about myself or my activities the only thing that has changed is that I am moving. Suddenly my mother thinks I am a horrible mother and a horrible person. I can't do anything right. I hate always feeling like I'm worthless. I hate always having to make these dreaded choices...my mother (she always threatens suicide or lays in bed depressed if I don't choose her)or the happiness of my children and myself.

I can somewhat deal with her behavior when I feel as if my dad is backing me up but she has now manipulated him into siding with her. I have no one,no one at all. My siblings know how she is but they have never had the brunt of her abuse its always just been me. My siblings just tell me to ignore her and to not let it bother me. How can I do that? I'm a very quiet, forgiving, agreeable person, I hate conflict but I hate getting abused. If I don't stand up for myself my children see me as weak and my self worth disappears. If I do stand up for myself then I am the enemy to everyone in my family, my mom may kill herself, and the children and I may not have a place to live. This place is all we have, we have nowhere else to go.

Someone please help me! :( I'm at the end of my rope I don't know what to do anymore, I've lived my whole life like this and its only getting worse. :(

I am sorry you are going through this. I too come from a situation with a mother of mental illness. I suppose I am one of the lucky ones. At 30 years of age I realized what was going on. It is sad. It has got to be especially frusterating relying on your mother for a place to live. I suppose the best thing You could do would be to seek counceling and therapy.
They can give you insight. I think that adult children of mentally ill parents is one of the few things that gets attention. Unfortunately, not all siblings can see the problem always. And even worse, often times the parents are unwilling to admit they have a problem. Unless they realize they are ill little can be done.
I would have to say the BEST thing you can do is take care of you first. That does NOT mean neglecting your babies @ all. But if you do not keep a good mental outlook and if you do not take care of yourself mentally,emotionally, spirtitually, and physically; You will be of little value to your children. Also, if your mom is mentally ill do your Children really need in that environment?
Take time for yourself each day. If nothing more than 10 to 30 minutes quiet time.
Lean on Christ also. Believe it or not, God does care what you are going through.
Hang in there.
May God be with you.

My mother is borderline and has narcissistic personality disorder. I have worried about her committing suicide since I was a young teenager. I am considering ending our relationship to save myself. It is quite a burden to live with, so I sympathize. But honestly, if you were to end your relationship with your mother, chances are she wouldn't kill herself (she'd get much more attention by staying alive and being a martyr!) and you'd be free. And if she actually did kill herself and your family, who isn't any support to you anyway, stopped talking to you, what would you really lose?

I know you say you don't have anywhere else to go, and I don't know where you live and therefore what resources might be available there, but you might want to look in to a women's shelter or something like that. It sounds terrible, but can it be any worse than where you are living now? Even just the action of pursuing information and resources through social services can help give you a feeling of control in this bad situation. At least you are doing SOMETHING for yourself and your children. Many, many places offer free or very reduced rate counseling for single moms and such. When I was a teenager, I went to cheap counseling through Catholic Charities (they never brought religion into the sessions, if that is a concern.) and it was the best thing I did for myself. You may think you can't afford it, but can you honestly afford not to at least look into it??? Again, it is a positive action for yourself, your children and your upcoming new marriage. I don't mean to be harsh, but if you don't take care of yourself and get some help, your second marriage will NOT be successful.

Good luck and hang in there.