Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents

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Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents
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My mother is mentally ill but not

My mother had a nervous breakdown thirty years ago, and she's never been the same since. To make a long story short, over a year ago my mother decided to stop working and decided to go by the philosophy of the secret. She thought by having no income it would open up to her winning the lottery. So after losing her car and her apartment, my husband, myself and my five kids took her in ten months ago under the understanding that she would get a job and a place. She didn't do it. She said God would take care of her. Well, we told her she couldn't move in with us when we bought a home. We're moving tomorrow. My mom only started trying to help herself this last week. Now she's telling me I'm the bad person. Help.

Re: My mother is mentally ill but not

Hi Kimberly,
I feel like I know your situation too well. Through therapy I have learned that my mother has bipolar or a personality disorder. Living with this growing up has been disasterous and detrimental to my health. I was told, and thought, that I was always at fault when bad things happened. I could never do anything well enough. While I am a very talented, smart woman, my mother feels the need to put me down when she feels I am doing well. I am not allowed to be happy if she isn't. Moreover, my mother is always telling me that I only do things for myself and am an 'irresponsible girl with no morals'. FYI- I am a special ed teacher and cannot imagine I would have this job if that description of my character is correct.

What I am trying to say, is that it is TOO easy to listen to what your mom says and not logically realize that you ARE a good person. With 5 kids, I have to think you are superwoman! Surround yourself with positive people and, I bet, when your mom isn't living in your house anymore, you will feel much more competent and strong. Understand that you are doing what is in her best interest, and you have a lot more than yourself to think about...you have 5 children and a husband. They need you, and I am willing to bet that they do not think you are a bad person at all! In fact I bet you have mugs and T-shirts with "World's Greatest Mom/Wife" which HAS to be proof that you are doing what is best for everyone. Stick with it and don't give up!

Re: Re: My mother is mentally ill but not

This sounds awfully familiar. The thing is you have to think about your own kids. Not long ago I let down my guard - its easy to think of the life you've known with your parents as normal even when you know its not - and the next thing I knew my mother calls me when I'm 1600 miles away to tell me she's left my kids to their own and shockingly my father, whom I thought I could trust, just walked out with her.
Next thing I'm calling neighbors to make sure my kids are taken care of while I'm on a plane trying to get back as soon as I can. Suddenly I've messed up and its just like 40 years ago, all my fault never hers and the worst part is she blamed my kids!
One day you just realize you have to cut your loses and be a better parent than the one you had even if that means more disapproval.