Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents

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Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents
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Re: Re: my mother is also mentally ill - new at this site

My mother also has bipolar disorder. However because her mood swings are accompanied by paranoid delusions and hallucinations, I think she may be schizophrenic but has never been diagnosed as such. She had been diagnosed since she was 16 years old. So all of my life also. I'm 21. Its hard to live at home because you never really know when she'll have a breakdown. She's coming off of one right now. Although its taking longer than usual for her to be function again and truth be told, I don't know if she wants to get better and it infuriates me. My case isn't as extreme as some of the others I've read on this site. I mean she has taken out some of her anger on me as a child, and sometimes made me feel like nothing I ever did was perfect enough, but she was never physically abusive. I've only experienced a few breakdowns but that is what makes it so confusing. She was fine from when I was 3 until I was 16. And then her breakdowns became more frequent, such as once a year or every two years depending. The worst one was when I was 16. I'm also annoyed because my dad doesn't really help the situation by being angry and impatient. Its really taxing on all of us. Especially because my grandparents both have dementia and live in the same house. What makes matters worse is her psychiatrist doesn't try to talk to her about unresolved issues. I really feel that is what is causing these breakdowns. Yet she likes him and doesn't want to see someone else. She doesn't really want help either. I feel resentful myself. I know I'm supposed to be loving and supportive right now but I really can't. What do you do?

Re: Re: Re: my mother is also mentally ill - new at this site

Dear Kristine,

I really feel bad for you because I can definitely relate. I know what you are going through.

I am going to be really honest with you and tell you what I think works out of my own experinece.

If you want to live a healthy and happy life you need to get out of your parents house and go to therapy.

When I was 18 I moved out of my mom's to my dad's house and it saved my life for a while.
Even though I changed environments, which helped a lot, I had a lot of unresolved issues. Like you I was always made to feel inadequate, nothing I did was ever good enough. Those feelings of inadequacy stayed with me and I didn't realized it until I had a brake down at 23 and started working with a therapist.

A therapist is not only going to help you deal with your feeling but is also going to teach you how to deal with your parents and the disease.

I hope this helps. I wish you all the strength and wisdom in the world...

Denisse

Re: Re: Re: Re: my mother is also mentally ill - new at this site

Hello all,

I am new to the site too and have been reading the thread. It is so nice to hear of stories like mine.(not nice, but you know waht I mean) I have felt so isolated my whole life, when I tell people of my childhood I just get blank stares, I think out of shock. I was no Sybil, but it was no walk in the park either. I want those here to know that if you are looking at this you are strong enough to accept the reality of your situation, seek help, and are willing to take strides to make a change. That alone makes you a survivor and separates you as an individual with much strength and character.

I have made the choice recently (within a 2 year period) to no longer have contact with either of my mentally ill parents, as my father enables her very schizophrenic behavior. I have chosen to move 2 states away to get away from her, in addition to the other problems she has caused me. I have to say that is has been soo hard but soo rewarding too. I just want everyone out there to know that if I can do it, you can do it, and although sometimes it may feel wrong to leave a mentally ill family member, you sometimes must save yourself!!

Megan

Re: Re: my mother is also mentally ill - new at this site

I have a similar situation with my mother, but fortunately her parents took her in after she had to be hospitalized, so she isn't my responsibility yet. The depression must be awful for her, but it's so much easier to deal with than her manias. I feel a little selfish saying so, but only a little, and I'm guessing a lot of people with bipolar parents understand. I just wanted to tell you, Lisa, that you're very brave and obviously very strong. Since I doubt your mother tells you and you really ought to know -- you're doing a good job. Working hard to keep yourself healthy for your sake and the sake of those around you is all that anyone can ask, and you're doing a lot more than that. Don't be afraid. You already know you won't turn out like her. The most valuable lesson my mother taught me was how and why not to become like her, and that was honestly a really valuable lesson and the one thing I have going for me that no one else in my family had. No one can expect you to take care of your mother forever. You're not her mother, and she's not a child. Anyone who understood what you've gone through for her would be proud of you and impressed.