She's a county psychiatrist who's seen me for years. We've tried every SSRI with minimal if any upside. When I saw her last I said I felt dead inside (unable to function, as usual) and asked if I could try stopping (Prozac, 30mg) but she said that would be the worst thing. I said okay but disagreed in the week after. I tapered off and stopped within 10 days. I knew if I felt even worse I'd start back up, but I felt better and better. I felt more alive, able to think and do good things and the only problem was telling her when I saw her again, today, five weeks later. I was up front that I did it as an experiment that was all on me - I was simply desperate, had a hunch and I leave it to her to decide if it worked, but I was very sorry I went against her instructions because I didn't want to loose her trust. Her response was that if all I'm going to want from her is Valium for tension and Xanax for anxiety at night, she'd rather turn me over to another doctor. She has plenty or rather too many other cases as it is. I can understand that but she didn't seem to care that I was doing better without the anti depressants. We have another appointment in six weeks but I already feel super depressed that I let her down, or something. I need her on my side - why is she doing this to me???

False alarm; that doctor is just overworked. I'm also seeing another counselor in the same building who also agrees I'm doing well without the meds as I continue individual and group talk therapy. I've been taking better care of myself by exercising and other positive improvements, I feel fine and have a good outlook, though I'm still caring for my schizophrenic/demented gravely ill mother on a shoestring budget during a particularly stressful time... no thanks to the lack of support from this forum. Happy holidays and good luck to whoever cares to browse these posts. Have better luck here than I did.

HI AJ,
I am very happy things are looking up for you.
I know it's hard to feel alone, I have gone through that many times. You were right when you said to me to stop avoiding my mother, sooner or later it comes back to bite you. Thanks to you I made the decision to stop avoiding her and I decided the only way I could do it is by letting go... I really want to heal my heart and my soul and I have been working on it...
I made a really big step, I told my mom I forgave her for all that she did. I think that's a good step, don't you think? Thanks for your advice.
I also want to explain why I did not respond to you sooner. I didn't think my husband would appreciate me communicating with a man we didn't know, we talked about it and it's fine. I thought you deserved to know.
I am very proud of you for taking care of yourself. Congratulations!

Wow thanks for sharing all that Dennise. Yeah I think it's healthy for you to share your pent up feelings to your mom, if it gives you some relief. My mother doesn't understand "hello" at this point, let alone anyone's frustration in dealing with her, but after a lifetime of trying to communicate through her madness, at least I know I tried. She's 78 now and the doctors have said for a long time I can stop. I appreciate what you said about not responding to me, whatever the reason - that you had to check with your husband (solely because I am a guy) truly surprised me. I simply don't think that way, though I have seen creepy guys in help forums. I'm sure I didn't put out that vibe, but were you being cautious thinking I might be dangerous or something? Oh well, I appreciate your honesty. I'll try to be more patient and understanding in that respect from here on... sorry about being bitter for not getting any support; it does go with the territory but it's frustrating wherever it happens. Thanks for your patience too.