The subject line in your post is "What now?" The answer is "Move on." Do not allow any one to lay an unearned burden of guilt on you. You owe nothing. PERIOD!!!
You have a family - your children and a loving husband who is empathetic because he has experienced your world - he with a former wife and you with your mother. The specifics of your experiences may differ, but the view is the same and the baggage matches. While it is accepted that it is easier to walk away from an ex-spouse than a parent, it is equally necessary to walk away if you want to give your family a better life than the one you were given. If all of these other people in the family think that they have the answers, let them implement them on their time, their dime and - most importantly - their premises. If it means that you have to walk away from all of them, then so be it. Look ahead, not back. The penultimate payoff will be a rich and rewarding life with the family that you and your husband have built, the people to whom you owe a bright future with a happy, well-adjusted wife and mother who can devote herself to her present and future, not her past and a recurring nightmare. Believe me, this is a cancer that will consume you if you don't learn how to pronounce the two most difficult words in any language: "No" and "Goodbye".
I wish you strength, clarity and decisiveness. You will be in my prayers.