Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents

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Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents
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Re: Support group in Alaska?

I am also looking for such a support group. I have lived in Anchorge for the past 25 years, far away from my mother, who has an undiagnosed mental illness, not exactly like yours but the effects on the children can be devastating. Neither of my two brothers can hold a job for very long and my sister married into an abusive family and thinks she is "trapped" but really isnt, it is just part of the continuing cycle of being a victim. I did not connect the dots about my mother for many years. I grew up as a child of an alcoholic father in which she was an enabler and had her own abuse as a victim that she brought into the marriage. I now know that she was part of the reason for my dad's alcoholism and that compounded into the problem was all the abuse he dished out to her as well. Thank God my career took me to different states early on in my life as I think this saved me from further damage. We have maintained (nice & safe) long distance relationship via phone and email. I visit maybe every 3-5 years. Each time I visit, it is a fresh reminder of her denial and worsening of the problem. Needless to say, we do not get along at all. I wont go into all the problems but you can well imagine. Compounded on top of that is the cultural difference of my being a northwest person and educated while she is an uneducated, and willfully ignorant southerner. I grieve the loss of missing out on growing up with a normal mother (and father). I'm sure you can really relate to that. (Greiving the loss is part of the healing I think).
My life was made so much more difficult than it needed to be bec there was very little nurturing or teaching about the real world. I had to learn even many basics on my own. As a result of the dysfunctional family relationships, I also had anger to deal with but have since gotten help and know that most of it was not my fault . The problem remains now is that the more my eyes are opened about the situation the worse my mother's condition appears and I can hardly stand even talking to her anymore. I hope that she finds help and peace but I dont think it would come soon enough if at all, and I have had to distance myself from her to maintain my normality.