Long story short, my mom is severely depressed. My father passed away 6 years ago, and she hasn't gotten over it. For the longest time I was trying to get her to go see someone for help, but she wouldn't. Then one day last year she agreed, and my family and I were happy. Only thing is she only went for a few times, and then when the thearpist told her that if she was still have the suicidal thoughts, that she should check herself into a hospital where she could get some intense therapy and get on a treatment plan. This caused my mom to say that the therapist was threatening her, and quit going That was a few months ago.

Fast forward to now...she's gotten worse, and by worse I mean really really bad. If she answers the phone and will actually talk to myself, my sister, or her mom, it's just to complain about how her life sucks, and how we're all evil and bad and make her life miserable. Her reasoning for my being so bad is that I haven't gone to her house for Christmas since I've been married. Now, I'm in my late 20's, and have only been married for 2.5 years, and I live about 1200 miles away, so it's not a quick trip. My wife and I have not had a real vacation since we've been married, as all of our time off from work has been spent traveling to see family (just so happens none of it has been over Christmas). We've offered for her to come spend Christmas with us, but she refuses. Now she's really upset b/c we are thinking of going on our first vacation this coming Christmas, and go to the Caribbean, not to see her. I don't think it's selfish to say we're going to take a vacation for us, and we want it on this Christmas b/c this is something we want to do before we have kids, which we'll be trying to have in a few years.

Now she's talking about suicide all the time, and saying it is b/c I won't come down for Christmas...that if I would just come down she would have something to look forward to and live for. It sounds like she's really starting to plan it out (she's picked out her and my dad's wedding anniversary as a way to make us remember since we haven't done anything special for her on it). However, my mom is a very controlling person (i.e. she tried to enforce a curfew when I was in junior in college, and already in the military). So I don't know what to do. Should I have her committed b/c I'm worried about her killing herself (and thus ruining her career), or accept the fact that she could just be trying to control and manipulate me, and do nothing, realizing that she could be serious, and really do it?

This has gotten to be a real stresser for myself, sister, and grandmother. We are all at our wits end on what to do, and one of them doesn't know if committing her is the right thing to do, while the other doesn't want me to do it. Right now I don't know what to do. I personally get more stressed and depressed b/c of it every day, but I just don't know what to do. I just wish i could go to sleep and wake up in 3 months, and then this would all be over (their anniversary is at the end of may)

I was struck by your message, My dad has been mentally ill my whole life. I have been working on getting over that for the last 18 years ,I left home at 17 because I was no longer able to deal with it.And the best thing I ever did was,let him go. Unfortunatly my dad made enablers of all of us.Our lives revolved around his madness.And we didnt count for anything. Only his well being counted.And that we were there to take care of him,sympathise with him,believe his paranoid rages, He threatened many times to kill himself,In his case it was always the unloved child, trying to get our attention by any means possible.I am not saying that you mothers threats are untrue, everybodys situation is differant.In my situation however,it was to control us. We the children became the parent,the caregiver,the nurse,the pychologist.My father is not yet institutionalized, my mom still takes care of him, but we donot speak, I do not visit ect.ect.ect.The way I look at it, he can do whatever he wants to do. I did my time,and I wont be there to hold his hand.He never held mine.
All the Best

This post completely relates to my situation with my mother as well. She has threatened suicide numerous times in the past few years. I have gotten to the point where I do not care anymore. If she thinks her life is so miserable, then she can do whatever she likes with her life. I cannot be controlled by her emotions any longer. I have become her mother, nuturer, therapist, and caregiver. She is unappreciative and lies all the time to her friends and family. It has been a revolving cycle of misery with her. Well, I am done rambling. Thank you for reading.

How'd everything end up? I started this response before realizing your post was from March, so this is too late now really (she's either okay or she's not at this point), but in case you go through similar situations with her again in the future (which you might), I'll say what I was going to say anyway:

The most you could do is call her doctor if she has one and tell them what she tells you, and let them take it from there. It's actually not always even that easy to have someone committed, really. Hospitals don't always have beds, and even if they put you away you might get let back out a few weeks later. But still, if the doctor can get her to admit her suicidal feelings to him then he is required to report it to the police. And at least then she could be protected from herself temporarily. That's really all you can do. I'd say trust your gut in a case like this. If you think she's really in danger, report it. But take care of yourself too. Your mental well-being matters as much as hers does.

Well that"s the whole point isn"t it. I believe in my own situation, I'm done running after my dad and taking care of him, I did my time. In order to stop the cycle you have to break the cycle parent or not. Calling the police and the hospital and or whatnot will change what?
You can"t do both you let go or you don't. And taking care of yourself does not exist with a mentally ill parent,"I'ts all about them, there needs, there wants, how bad they feel ,how sad they feel, how helpless they feel. yada ,yada,yada. And we feel what? Does it really matter? No it doesen't as long as we're there to pick up the mess, were apart of the wallpaper.The ever consistant garbage men,fixers of all,and ever present eggshell walkers. Who's feeling and emotions never matter so why should they now. For **** sake my dad dosen't even know my birthday, when I graduated, what my sons birthday is, cause it never mattered all that matter was him. And how he felt, and that it.so he will end up, how i felt most of my life alone.