Welcome to Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents Discussion Forum!!! Dedicated to the validatation and encouragement towards one another in tranquil and perilous times a mist the obscure insanity of a loved one.
I know many of you out there have made excuses for your parent's abuse and neglect by saying they are mentally ill, they cant help it, they did the best they could. That does not erase the lifelong damage they have done with the depression, guilt, anxiety, problems having good relationships. My father could have made things better. He had choices to get her more help. Im mainly venting. I just found this site. Now Im stressed constantly by a mix of guilt for not being more attentive to them, and trying to take care of myself emotionally. Whenever I contact them or even plan a visit 3 1/2 hours away, I get irritable and depressed which has affected my marriage. My wife is very supportive. I just wish I could let myself relax, feel happiness for a short while, and let go of the guilt and anger.
my mom's 2 1/2 hrs away and i get the same way when i bring my family up to visit her. i know the visit won't be enough for her, that she'll calculate who got more time with me-her, my dad and stepmom, or my inlaws. she'll find something, anything, everything to criticize. she'll corner me and talk in that staccato whisper of hers about all the things my stepdad has done to her - horrible things like taking her out to dinner at 6 instead of 7, putting another $500 (for gas and autorepair) on the credit cards that she's trying to pay off(she doesn't work-he supports her and the credit cards are high because of her shopping), and how he just laughs when she tries to tell him all the things that are wrong with him, and on, and on. she won't want to hear anything about me, my husband or my kids, she just wants a new audience to pity her because her life is so hard. she wants me to feel sorry for her because of all her MAJOR medical problems like high colesteral and allergies. and then she makes a big show of how much of a burden it was for her to get ready for our visit and then she wonders why we don't want to stay. my husband's really good about it and usually says it's his fault we can't stay.