Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents

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Adult Children of Mentally ill Parents
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Re: The nightmare never ends...

Hi Sara - My mother is 61 and paranoid schizophrenic as well so I can relate and understand your situation. While my circumstances are and have been different from yours in that my mother has never lived with me and I am older so I have been coping with this situation for a much longer period of time, I too know your struggle of trying to the right thing by your mom, while at the same time provide yourself some space to heal and to explore and live your own life. It is beyond stressful, heartbreaking and full of confusion and chaos. I would really love at times for someone to give me the answers - to decide for me, yet even after 15 years of estrangement from my mom, the struggle is not over and I doubt never will, as long as either of us is still alive. Possibly you could seek out some support for yourself with a group or a counselor? This has really helped me maintain my sanity plus do the healing work required. You might also have to let go of being there for your Mom so much, and establish some boundaries as hard as that might be. My mother and I are back reconnected now but there are still many head and heart aches to deal with, plus no clear cut path for us to follow. I am no longer angry at her nor blame her as I can see how she is consumed by her disease, and the hardest part is not being able to make it better for her, of which I know I will never be able to do. When I look over my life my mom's illness has had the most impact on my development in both good and bad ways, as it continues to do so. It is the heart break of my life and I must continue to see the gifts in terms of learning and growth, even if it wouldn't be what I choose for myself. Hang in there and know you are not alone. - Holly

Re: Re: The nightmare never ends...

hey, hang in there. you don't haved to live under all this stress. and it's not right for you to be taking care of your mother by yourself. seek out some help. i know you'll find it. you need to live your own life. you'll be okay.
love angela

Re: The nightmare never ends...

to be blunt: get rid of her.

i know you love her, i know your sense of obligation, compassion etc.--it's what you cultivated all your life do that you would be different from her. but your good character is robbing you of your life. she wins this way, b/c for all your insight and personal development, you are still stuck her captive audience. enough.

believe me, no matter where she ends up, she will demand attention form whomever is there, she will adjust and survive. narcissists usually do! i'm 100% with the poster who suggested talking to a county social worker. if nothing else, find the best psych hospital and have her committed. you are not joan of arc. she needs constant psychiatric supervision not 100% of your life--if she needed a ventilator, you wouldn't insist on giving her constant mouth-to-mouth! enough already. you cannot allow her to make your life one of resentment, anger, and self denial (until she finally dies). when she dies, she'll still run your life b/c you'll give so much internal airtime to hating and resenting her. get her out. commit her if you must. stay strong.