BIKER CHILI
A duded-up city rider walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.
After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'
The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'
Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.
The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'


HORSEBACK RIDE
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup; she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.....
Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello.


SCOTCH WITH TWO DROPS OF WATER
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, ‘I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today...’
The bartender says, ‘Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.’ As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, ‘I would like to buy you a drink, too.’
The old woman says, ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.’ ‘Coming up,’ says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, ‘I would like to buy you one, too.’ The old woman says, ‘Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.’
‘Coming right up,’ the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, ‘Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?’
The old woman replies, ‘Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.’



GOLFER AT THE DENTIST:
A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office. The man said to the dentist, ‘Doc, I’m in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, just pull the tooth, and be done with it. We have a 10am tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:30 already. I don’t have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!’ The dentist thought to himself, ‘My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.’ So the dentist asks him, ‘Which tooth is it, sir?’ The man turned to his wife and said, ‘Open your mouth Honey, and show him...’



SPEEDING IN SOUTH DAKOTA
> A Madison, SD policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem- a 12- year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read ‘RADAR TRAP AHEAD’. The officer also found the boy had an accomplice who was down the road with a sign reading ‘TIPS’ and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)


> A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Sioux Falls, SD. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
[Canera_2]

> A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A South Dakota State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, “I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper’s Ball.” He replied, “South Dakota State Troopers don’t have balls.” There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.



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