You should see how old I look my friend; I'm not even thirty yet and I look over 50. That old cow I divorced got me so stressed that now my hair is almost completely gray, and my face has more wrinkles on it than my friend Dennis's balls. I'm a wreck, I'm a failure and I'm almost on the verge of becoming a complete alcoholic.
And as if that isn't bad enough I'm currently being sued for paternity by some fat waitress that works at "ElPolloLoco" who claims that I knocked her up. It's a terrible year.
Cheer up W, it could always get worse. Happy New Year everyone. I just got back from Louisville Kentucky where I spent New Years with some friends. Fun times.
