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Last week, I admitted to needing help with my mess of life constraints. Made an appt with Behavioral Health Services. Unfortunetly, they can not see me until next month :( It helps to have a wife who stands by your side, no mater what. It also helps to have friends to talk with, lots have more problems than you.
I'm one of the lurkers in the forum that Terry mentioned a while back in one of his posts. But I wanted to tell you that I've read many of your posts and think you did the right thing in asking for help. You've been through a lot and asking for help was the right thing to do. Don't forget that there are others out there that are thinking of you and care about you.
Welcome Stranger! [Just to go off on a complete tangent, that was the name given to the largest nugget ever found in Australia – a whopper weighing in at 72 kg!!]
It is always good when a lurker [ I don’t like the term, but that’s what people who read lists without joining in are called] comes forward and joins in the discussions. The more views we get on any subject the better, as far as I am concerned.
I was also really pleased to read that Joe had sought help for his problems. Men are so darned ridiculous about this issue – that it is seen as a weakness to look for professional help in dealing with mental issues. Although admittedly, we don’t have a great track record on seeking help for physical issues, we get there in the end without feeling less of a man because of that.
I feel very strongly about this because about 20 years ago I was in a very bad way, mentally – suicidal in fact, and I even got to the detailed planning stage, which I know now is very dangerous territory. Thank goodness for my wife. Plain speaking as she is she said to me: “If you’d broken your leg you’d go to a doctor. Your mind is broken – go to a doctor and get it fixed.” So I did, and the doctor did fix it – or rather she showed me how to fix it myself, because this is an area where we can make ourselves ‘sick’ and can also make ourselves ‘better’. The first step – recognising that we need help is the most important one.
I don’t know how many of you have come across Dr Charles “Snuffy” Myers – he used to do a good deal of work on the Internet, but does less now. But one of the things he said some years ago was that he felt depression was one of the most under-diagnosed side issue of prostate cancer.
Good luck on the next step of your journey Joe – and to any of you who may be depressed, please seek the help that will get you over the hump and on with your lives.
To The Stranger, To Terry,
Thank you both. Terry, if you had completed your plans so many years ago, we would not have been blessed by this, OUR web site. A life taken by mistake contributes only sadness & loss. Your life Terry has helped so many of us.
My depression was like skating on thin ice this past year. I had several life constraints going into PC. I have made a lot of progress these past few months and the exercises are going well. But, with the treatment of PC, I found myself obsessing about little problems. The ice broke last week when I realized how many times in the past 3 months I had interacted with the medical community. My HMO provides online classes , which I was working on one & completed another. Some where I triggered an e-mail that invited me to take the overcoming depression course. It came as a surprise. A couple days later, my wife agreed, I started the course. One of the questions, how many interactions, was an eye opener. 75 times I had interacted, 54 times as e-mails, asking questions and getting very few answers. So, the ice broke, I'm a strong swimmer, but the water is cold, and I am so tired.
Joe, thanks so much for telling us what is happening with you right now. I had my brushes with depression and anxiety (not PC related) many years ago. It seemed at the time it would never end. In many ways that time was actually worse than the problems I face now after my "failed" (or should that be partially succesful?) surgery.
In recent years I have been amazed at how some of the greatest men suffered depression. I just read 6 volumes of Winston Churchill's History of the Second World War - brilliant stuff. But it turns out that this genius of a man was followed the whole of his life by what he called his "black dog".
I guess I figure now that if he could run a world war, stand alone for 3 years before he could persuade Roosevelt to join him and drink like a fish throughout, oh and have a couple of strokes along the way!-then I owe it to myself to keep battling through.
And I agree with your comments about Terry. We never know what is around the corner and if Terry had taken that fateful decision 20 years ago all of our lives as participants on this site would have been diminished. Terry's life is a profound value to all of us and he has clearly found it a huge value to him also.
Hang in Joe. Things you have written here have been a great help to me and I sense enough about your character that with the help you will now get you will pull throught this.
Ted form England
PS had a holiday on Maui a few years back. Let some of that Pacific sunshine get to work on you. But watch out for those Hula girls!! ;)
Joe,
I know exactly where you are right now. I stumbled right after I started radiation. All of the other problems in my life had to take a back seat and that really bothered me, not to mention the failed DaVinci. The radiation group has a resident therapist whom my oncologist suggested that I see. We met every week during my treatments and it really helped. I would leave some sessions laughing and some crying but everything she discussed brought me closer to mental health. I'm continuing with her recommendations and I'm seeing great improvement both mentally and physically. I had withdrawn from everything when things got tough. Now, I'm back out in the world, meeting old friends and making new ones. One thing I found out the hard way is that you can't do this alone.
You'll be in my thoughts, Good Luck!
In the beginning God created heaven, earth, prostate cancer and the emotional responses to it.
Ok, sorry ... a poor attempt at humor, but, I've never shed so many tears as I have during the past two years.
It's scary how quickly my mood can change from bright, sunny yellow to sad, morbid black.
Don't forget the power of a bartender with a good ear.
Being a heavy social drinker (not an alcoholic) by history, that pasttime continued and actually increased following the diagnosis that no man wants to hear.
Virtually everyone at my favorite watering hole knows my situation even though I rarely discuss it unless asked for an update.
Other patrons have brought their friends in to talk to me because they're facing the same decisions I was a couple of years ago.
When I walk thru those doors I'm in my element, my own world and life's problems remain outside.
I know how to live and survive in that world and now and then I just need a break from reality ... seriously.
Give me a few good friends, neon lights, music in the background and a pool stick in my hand and I'm truly comfortable.
This won't work for everyone but whatever you do, make it work for you.
Good luck Joe and BTW I sampled a few "watering holes" down on, what was then called, Hotel St in downtown Honolulu back in the 60's ... great island.
Aloha Phred,
Wish I had a place (watering hole) like that to go to. Unfortunately, my most pressing problems dog me like the perverbial hound of Hell. We live in a place where I used to be able to go through the gate, and the world stayed outside. Our own little piece of 20 acres of paridise. Can't do that any more. It follows me where ever I go. Like stop the world - boat -plane - what ever, I want off. In reality I must face these problems and learn to live with them, I can't fight them, they are part of me. Somehow, my mind must be retrained to a different view. That's what I'm hoping for, Just need patience for one more month, that first appointment.
Joe that old black dog sounds like he is following right on your heels now. Sometimes he will be closer and sometimes farher away. Sometimes he will snarl and sometimes he may even be friendly, just Joe's old black dog.
If you can't make friends with that old black dog just now, try and pat him on the head and let him know, that you know he's there.
