Pay attention.
Now, as most of you will know,Arachnology is the study of spiders.
As an ardent hater of the species I would crave your indulgence (and I am sure, no little knowledge) in answering one simple question:

Where do they come from?

They are driving me mad.
Every room I go into I have to have an inspection.
I go to bed at night in terror of the brutes.
These are not tiny little insects but gargantuans measuring at least an inch (2.54cm for Donald).
I know some people appear to encourage them ( no names no pack drill as they say in you know where) but that, in my opinion, is due to a fairly low intelligence level caused by a lack of a proper education.
Your responses are awaited with considerable interest.
Thank you.
NOT

Lowroader,
To be exact it's 25,39 mm.
Maybe King Robert the Bruce has a remedy if he is online at the moment. Keep putting them out then as he told his troops after returning to them." If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking to you do succeed!"
Donald

Low roader, I spent a year on two banana boats running from Central & South America to the USA, we used to catch a lot of tarantala spiders that came on board with the bananas,you wouldn't have liked that,alsoin Australia expecially around Sydney they have the funnel back spiders commonly found in gardens in the lawn or grass which can give you a nasty fever or in the case of children even death.

Hi all. For goodness sake, afraid of spiders! And from the Low Road where we were afraid of nothing.

The reason I like spiders is because they eat flies. I absolutely detest flies and in the summer the family laugh at me as I won't stop if one comes in, until I have it splatted dead.

Don't know where spiders come from but hubby thinks it's to do with central heating.

LR. You should watch I'm a Celebrity, get me out of Here, which is on each evening now at 9 pm on ITV.
The contestants have to encounter spiders, rats, et. etc. Tonight the unlucky chosen ones have to attempt to eat snails, slugs, maggots, I don't know what.

Afraid of spiders!!!

"Come into my parlour", said the spider to the fly . The oul spider's no fool.

Low Roader,
U r right to b afraid of spiders. I got bitten by one, unnoticed by me, in Canada last year. I had been sitting in the garage with the child waiting for my daughter to drive in & had my arm over a settee there. Later that evening I noticed my hand was very itchy & red. Next day it began to swell & by evening it was tight & a red mark was beginning to move up my arm. My son-in- law insisted we go to Orangeville hospital to see a doctor. She said I had been bitten by a spider, a small one, & gave me antibiotics which cleared it up in a couple of days. Scary, as my hand was poisoned, apparently the spider can inject poison, I never knew that. Don't know if in Ireland it is the same as I never thought of spiders in that way.
Now FROGS,they still terrify me as the boys used to try & put them down your back when we were young in the Low Rd. I would run a mile in terror then, it was the slimy feeling of frogs that got me.
Pat

There was an old woman who swallowed a spider,
That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her,

Low Roader
Invite a bunch of old ladies around for a cuppa and they should get rid of the spiders.

Jimmy

Hi Pat and Low Roader,

I also have had a few spider bites and had to have them treated, not nice. We have house spiders, and as Joe said I think they come with the Central Heating. Doreen hates these things and couldn't kill them herself until I got laid up, now, look out spiders.

Beano

Thank you all for your very positive contributions (all except one that is - and you won't need three guesses).

The problem appears to be getting worse - I blame it on the Iraq war meself - so I have decided to invest in an electronic bug repellant device (which, I am reliably informed can be converted to repel KKs) to see if I scare the livin' daylights out of the buggers.
I shall report in due copurseas the success or otherwise.
NOT

LR, when you're tucking the duvet round you tonight, be very very careful. I hear that spiders love warmth, especially under the clothes or behind pillows, and if you're short on hair, well, they have a ready made slide to slip under your jimjams.

Sleep well.

Did you know that the average person ( not KK of course) eats 3 spiders in a lifetime due to sleeping with their mouth open.
I am an absolute mine of useless facts.

NOT

remember the joke about the English rocket scientist who, after giving a lecture on space travel at Queens was waiting for his return flight to London at Aldergrove. Having some time before his departure he went for a stroll around the airport's perimeter and saw some navvies laying 3 ft diameter sewerage pipes. He observed them for some time and remarked, " that's a very accurate and precise job you are doing. Believe me I know what I'm talking about as my work as a rocket scientist entails me working with and designing parts which have been machined to a tolerance of ten thousands of an inch."
One of the navvies answered, " that would be no good to us we have to de dead on!"

Hi et all. My experience of the Australian Red Back Spider while Outback and using the Dunney in the dark.

There was a red back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite !
I jumped high up into the air,
And when I hit the ground,
That crafty red back spider
Wasn't nowhere to be found.

There was a red back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
And now I'm ere in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight,
And I curse the red back spider
On the toilet seat last night.

Rushed into the missus,
Told her just where I'd been bit,
She grabbed the cut-throat razor blade,
And I nearly took a fit.
I said. Just forget what's on your mind,
And call a doctor please,
Cause I've got a feeling that your cure
Is worse than the disease.

I can't lay down,I can't sit up,
And I don't know what to do,
And all the nurses think it's funny,
But that's not my point of view.
I tell you it's embarrassing,
{ And that's to say the least }
That I'm too sick to eat a bite,
While that spider had a feast!

And when i get back home again,
I tell you what I'll do,
I'll make that red back suffer
For the pain I'm going through,
I've had so many needles
That I'm looking like a sieve,
And I promise you that spider
Hasn't very long to live!

Lord Downshire

REMEMBERING A FAVOURITE UNCLE WHO WAS A JOKER. AT FAMILY GATHERINGS EVERYONE HAD A PARTY PIECE. HIS WAS THIS

"I can't sing but I'll say a recitation, here goes"

"SEE THAT SPIDER ON THE WALL" (he pointed upward to
a corner,we all waited expectantly) HE PAUSED FOR
ABOUT A MINUTE THEN
"WELL......THAT'S IT ALL "
Pat

LD, great wee poem.

LR, see what you've started.

Well, that time again. I'm away. Can't even stay up to see the second part of "I'm a Celeb".

Not the woman I used to be.

'Night all. Sleep tight. Watch out for giant spiders.