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Life with Victor Meldrew

I'm forcing myself to have a break and come on to The Exiles to offload or I'll be carried away screaming.

As you know, hubby had his minor op last Friday. Since then he's been on crutches. Tomorrow he gets his stitches out.

My day goes like this. Hubby isn't sleeping well at night so has a lie-in in the mornings, which he doesn't like. He's usually an early riser. When he appears, first thing he'll ask is "What's for breakfast today?". Now, every day, except weekends, we have porridge, followed by toast and marmalade. After breakfast, its, "Did you get the paper yet?". I reply sarcastically, "No, haven't had time yet, between walking the dogs, doing household chores, answering the phone, watering the plants, etc. I eventually go for the paper and when I come back, hubby says, "What about a wee cuppa tea"? Make the tea and we have a cup each. Then, "Is there a wee bikkie"? Get him a chocolate digestive, next thing "I prefer the dark chocolate ones, do we not have any?". Get him the dark chocolate one.

There's peace for a good while as he peruses the morning paper. Next thing, "What's for lunch". I, having had breakfast earlier these days, tell him I'm having salad sandwiches. He replies "Och, I'm not really hungry but I'll have a cuppa tea". Right. Then, when I'm carrying everything out to the deck, as it's a lovely day, he changes his mind. "I'll maybe have a few ham sandwiches." Back again, make the sandwiches and bring him a bag of crisps as well. All is gobbled up.

I decide I'll do a bit of sunbathing as it is a gorgeous day. For the first time this year I put on my black bikini (not a pretty sight), go into the garage for the loungers, look everywhere but can't find them. Says to hubby, because he has a habit of hiding thing. "Where are the loungers?". Replies, "Are they not there". "Not in sight", I reply. He hobbles up to the garage and in the very most awkward place he points to the loungers. I says, "Why in the name of all that's good, did you put them there where I can't lift them"? He says, "I had packed them away". "Packed them away, but sure it's still the summer". "Well, with all the rain, I thought summer was over". Between us we haul out the loungers and I get set for the sun.

Everything is quiet for a while and then, hubby being the restless type, up he gets. I watch as he hobbles round the garden. "This grass should be cut", he says, "it's getting long". "Did you ask older son to cut it"? "Yes, he says he'll do it Thursday (today) or Friday". "Well", I says, "just remind him again". Older son would dodge a job like this, or, indeed any job. I might add that hubby thinks his lawn is a bowling green and cuts it very short. To tell the truth I'm enjoying seeing nice green grass for a change with a bit of length.

Next thing, he's up again. I watch through my sunglasses. Now, hubby is not a nosy person and I wondered what he was doing as he peered next door, shading his eyes and even standing on the step to get a better look at whatever it was. I says, "What are you doing?". I might add he was a draughtsman and is always interested in buildings. He replies "I'm just lining up all the bungalows here to see if they're in line". "And are they" I ask. "No, he says, he rest of the street is in line but ours is half a brick further out". Great. That was soooo interesting. Sits down for a while and then must have been thinkin this over again. Up he gets. "Where are you going" I enquires. "I'm going out to the front to see if they're in line from there". They weren't. Ours was still half a brick further out than the rest.

Settled down for a while and then asks, "What's for dinner tonight". As you know, last night I made a huge shepherd's pie which younger son and hubby ate. There was at least half of it left in the fridge. I suggested he have shepherd's pie. "No", he says, "it was lovely but I don't think it agreed with me". "Right, I says, "I'm making a chicken curry for the older son, "Will you have that?". "No, I don't fancy curry tonight".

As it happened, when I looked in the cupboard I had no curry mix of any description so I decided to make a dish of chicken fried rice, home made of course.

I left hubby, by this time stripped to the waist, ensconced on a lounger, and I reluctantly left the sun and came in to prepare the chicken fried rice. Next thing, I feel more than see this spectre at the door. Hubby again. "What are you making?" "Chicken fried rice with naan bread". "Don't give me any". "Why", I asks as I know he likes this. "I don't want rice tonight". "Right what DO you want". "I would take a wee chip with an egg". , I replies, "No problem." Then he added "I would take a few beans as well". HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!

Re: Life with Victor Meldrew

Post Script. While older son was tucking into his chicken fried rice, he asks hubby if he would like to go for a run out to the fishing lake. I mentally hurrahed. Hubby says to me, "Have you those chips on yet" to which I replied in the negative.

"Right", he says, "I'll take the chicken fried rice". He's now devouring this and says, "It's lovely".

In case anyone thinks I'm talking about hubby behind his back, before I posted these items, I showed them to him. Son agrees, "He's cross this week". I'll be glad to get rid of them both shortly.

Re: Re: Life with Victor Meldrew

Now that they're gone I've remembered something else. This morning I asked hubby if he would like a wee run down to big brother's house. I know he's bored stiff as he was always used working. He agreed. I drove of course. Going down Kirkwood's Road, all I could hear was, "You know you can go more than 30 mph here, I'm glad I'm not behind you." I informed him that there was no-one behind us. I drove into town and taxi drivers being taxi drivers, they were swerving in and out of lanes. All I could heard was "Do they think they own the road. "Bloomin' taxi drivers". I kept my cool. After all, I had my wee dogs to consider. We eventually arrived at big brother's house. There were a lot of cars parked and parking is not my thing. However, I made several attempts to get as close to the pavement as I could, taking into account it was tricky with the other cars there. Hubby gets out, surveys my parking and says, "You're at least a yard out". I try again and get it parked to his satisfaction. After our visit I take him on a scenic view all round where we used to live on the Belsize Road, passed Katie's house, slowed down to a kerb crawl in case anyone was about but couldn't see either of them. Drove home with more grumping and you read the remainder of the day earlier. Have to go as daughter and husband have arrived. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Re: Life with Victor Meldrew

Ann,

I thought u were hard of hearing? It works wonders.

If I was u I would bolt the door, poor yourself a double stiff drink, and hooray round the house after u have squealed for about half an hour. If that does not help u hire a home help and do a Shirley Valentine.
Do u need a chum? We can let on we have lost our memory.

You wasted putting on ur bikini, never mind the sun.


Katie

Re: Life with Victor Meldrew

Ann,

Always bang on the door, there is always a welcome on the mat at our house, no matter what time day or night. I was sitting in the garden.


Katie

Re: Life with Victor Meldrew

Dear Kitchen Kween,

Poor wee soul.

Know your place in society wench.

RLR

Re: Re: Life with Victor Meldrew

LR On the way to BB, passed your house today. Meant to count the houses but forgot. Will do that next time. Wee park is sad looking, not a flower, shrub or child in sight. Big brother still has a beautiful view. Went up into all the bedrooms, reminiscing. Back bedroom faces the back of the houses in your old street. I see there are a lot of extensions there. Went into the middle room, which was my old room. Looked out at McConnell's Hill, could see the overfalls and hear them. Remembered going to sleep with the sound of the falls every night. Then went into the big front bedroom. Same view, lovely, nearer the Falls. Priceless views. Pity the rest of the Low Road lets it down.

Re: Life with Victor Meldrew

They're back, so switching off for tonight. Goodnight all.

Re: Re: Re: Life with Victor Meldrew

ANN,
I don't know who u r living with but it can't b Victor as he lives here with me.!!! Pat